OFFSIDE QUOTE ME HAPPY Great white and Nessie at Banbury United
With the strange year we have had, the above headline would be just about crazy enough for 2020!
With the fl ood waters causing problems all over the area, volunteer groundsman at Banbury United FC, Roger Davis, has been back in the workshop creating 2D cut-outs.
Roger started making the cut-outs of animals to deter rabbits and crows from damaging the pitch, but it soon turned into an unusual fundraising initiative for the club, with people keen to buy the monkeys, penguins, lions, kangaroos and even alligators.
Now, with the pitch fl ooded, Roger couldn’t resist adding some new creatures to the local zoo - a great white shark and the Loch Ness Monster!
The cut-outs are made using redundant hard polystyrene advertising boards seen usually around the pitch perimeter.
He’s not at the level where people start calling him a ‘Rolls Royce of a defender’ just yet but he’s certainly a Vauxhall Insignia. Borderline Passat.” BBC’s Tom Rostance praises Leicester defender Wesley Fofana.
“The ball has landed in a bucket of whitewash! I have never seen that before. It is absolutely soaked in it. This is incredible. The ball is ruined. It looks like it has been dropped in a bag of fl our.” Jonathan ‘Aggers’ Agnew commentating on BBC TMS as a Jonny Bairstow six fi nds an unusual resting place during the second Test against Sri Lanka.
“They’ve admitted their goal should have been disallowed and our goal should have stood. That’s a big, big momentum changer for us. You hit the post, it goes in or it goes out, sometimes you’re lucky with decisions, sometimes you’re not.” Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has claimed that the referee’s report admitted to two key errors which cost Manchester United in their defeat to Sheffi eld United last month.
DIARY DATES
11th: Rugby League - The Betfred Super League begins, Old Traff ord (
superleague.co.uk)
13th: Rugby Union - Six Nations round four, Italy vs. Wales, Stadio Olimpico, Rome; England vs. France, Twickenham Stadium (
sixnationsrugby.com)
14th: Rugby Union - Six Nations round four, Scotland vs. Ireland, BT Murrayfi eld Stadium, Edinburgh (
sixnationsrugby.com)
16th: Horseracing - Cheltenham Festival begins (
thejockeyclub.co.uk/cheltenham)
20th: Rugby Union - Six Nations round fi ve, Scotland vs. Italy, BT Murrayfi eld Stadium, Edinburgh; Ireland vs. England, Aviva Stadium, Dublin; France vs. Wales, Stade de France, Paris (
sixnationsrugby.com)
David Luiz
“I think the boss is doing a great job. I think the young boys are progressing a lot, they are fantastic. I think we start to create a real team, a real atmosphere. That’s why we have to keep going. Football is (clicks his fi ngers), if you don’t focus and concentrate, if you don’t work hard every single day, things can change.” David Luiz is optimistic about Arsenal’s performances of late.
5th-11th: Golf - Masters, Augusta (
masters.com)
10th: Horseracing - Grand National, Aintree (
thejockeyclub.co.uk/aintree)
“I’m so embarrassed by what’s happened. I pressed the live button on my YouTube stream and I’ve let out this giant fart - honestly, the longest ripper I’ve ever let out in my life.” Joe Wicks accidentally farted in front of 800,000 people during one of his online PE lessons.
8th: Football - Scottish FA Cup Final (
scottishfa.co.uk)
15th: Football - FA Cup Final, Wembley Stadium (
thefa.com)
17th-23rd: Golf - US PGA, Kiawah Island Golf Resort, South Carolina (
pgatour.com)
22nd: Football - Women’s FA Cup Final, Wembley Stadium (
thefa.com/competitions)
29th: Football - UEFA Champions League Final, Atatürk Olympic Stadium, Istanbul (
eufa.com)
Interviewer: “What would you be if you weren’t a footballer?” Peter Crouch: “A virgin.” In a recent survey by Metro, this classic comment from Crouch was voted the greatest sporting one-liner of all time.
To have your event included in this magazine diary section, please email details to
kerry@pitchcare.com
“Tried all tricks including Steve Smith trying to remove Pant’s batting guard marks from the crease.” Former India opening batsman Virender Sehwag slammed Steve Smith after he was caught removing Rishabh Pant’s guard during the Australia vs. India test match.
MARCH
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