FEBRUARY 2020 • COUNTRY LIFE IN BC


47 Give your marriage a relationship check-up


A couple that works together risks a


non-working relationship


by MYRNA STARK LEADER SALMON ARM – If you’re


managing your farm marriage with the same vigour as you manage your farm, this article isn’t for you. However, given Canada’s


divorce rate of about 40% and the complexity of dividing farm assets, Valentine’s seems like a great time for a relationship check says Okanagan counsellor Merel Voth. “We can have a master


relationship or a disaster relationship,” says Voth, adding that the average couple waits six years before seeking counselling. In a farm partnership, that could be a work disaster along with a relationship wreck. “Couples might want to be


checking on their marital relationship daily, just like they do their farm stats on a large dairy while others make it work if they do it less frequently,” says Voth who has a master’s in social work, an agriculture business diploma, 10 years of experience as a health care social worker, as well as being partner in a commercial goat dairy with her husband Barrie. Voth suggests a marriage


“SWOT” as a potential discussion starter: what are the strengths in the marriages, the weaknesses, what do you both hope for in the coming year from the marriage or see as opportunities? Can you identify threats and how could they be minimized? Married eight years herself,


with two youngsters, Voth understands the dynamics of working closely with your partner and some of the unique challenges. “On the farm, even though


you might spend hours and hours together, that time isn’t always meaningful,” she explains. “When couples come to me for help, it’s often about getting them to actually learn each other’s perspective.” Voth says couples need to manage relationship challenges just like any other on-farm issue. For the Voths, when there’s


a slower kidding weekend in the early months of the year, they hire someone to watch the animals and they get away, helping to keep them connected and to build continued friendship, key to a healthy relationship. Voth says she often sees


Merel Voth and husband Barrie own Hillside Dream Goat Dairy near Salmon Arm. With two young children, Mattias and Scarlett, the couple understand that day-to-day living can overshadow and sometimes out-shadow work to keep their relationship as healthy as they keep their animals. SUBMITTED PHOTO


couples so busy on- and off- farm that their withdrawals from the relationship outnumber the deposits. This can lead to a partner seeking a fresh spark from


companionship outside the marriage.


Depending on how infidelity is defined,


approximately a fifth of Canadians are unfaithful to their partners. Voth notes that just 2% of affairs become long-term relationships. Rather than looking for something better, she encourages spouses to think


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