When your world comes crashing down.


By Susan Leigh Susan Leigh


Susan Leigh, Altrincham, Cheshire, South Manchester counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer and media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.


- Counsellor - Hypnotherapist


- Relationship counsellor - Writer & media contributor


AUTHOR OF 3 BOOKS:


- Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact.


- 101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday.


- Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain.


All on Amazon & with easy to read sections, hints and tips.


To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit: www.lifestyletherapy.net


Sometimes life hits us between the eyes and delivers an unexpected turn of events. The shock and resultant impact can make us question why it's happened. Have we been bad, is it karma, do we deserve this? The answer is often a resounding 'no'. It is what it is, nothing more or less than that. But, nonetheless, we have to deal with it and recover.


Friends and family may not appreciate the distress we're going through, how those things are so devastating for us. We can feel overwhelmed when we've invested so much of ourselves into something that's failed to materialise or come to fruition.


Grief and loss are often experienced at these difficult times in life. Even when we've had the opportunity to prepare ourselves for what's to come it can still be an earth- shattering loss. We may manage to maintain a stoic exterior, appear calm, unfazed and resilient, but inside or when we're on our own it's often a different story. Our world has crashed, taking our future plans, hopes and dreams with it.


HOW CAN WE COPE WHEN WE'RE EXPERIENCING SUCH A SENSE OF LOSS?


Keep your own counsel. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Your feelings, challenges and situation is very different to theirs. Accept that others may not be as empathic or supportive as you'd like them to be, possibly through no fault of their own. It can be disappointing, tough to tolerate, but there's little you can do when they simply don't understand.


Choose who you share your story with. Be cautious about randomly exposing too much of yourself and your feelings at such a vulnerable time. It's easy to absorb much of other people's comments, advice and input, but question, would they really do what they so freely advise you to do if they were in your shoes!


Listening to others can bring its own stress, prompting us to make inappropriate decisions and choices. When they're being so 'supportive' we may feel it's good manners to listen and follow their advice. We may


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even regard them as an expert, feel compelled to trust their judgement, defer to their wisdom, be swayed to go along with the most persuasive argument or most popular point of view. Listening to others can provide insights and information, help us move our thoughts along, but at the end of the day it's your life. They're not as invested in the outcome as you are.


Check your perspective, how are you feeling? Some days are positive, whereas on others we may take everything personally. Be aware of how much your approach influences each situation and then you're able to be more in control of your responses.


Consider therapy if you suspect you have long-standing unresolved issues. Getting help and working with a neutral professional, who's skilled at providing the right kind of support, can be an important way of helping you turn the situation around.


There are many kinds of outside help if you're not looking for one-to-one therapy. Online forums and discussion groups can enable you to share hints, tips or sometimes simply tears and company. Knowing you're not on your own can in itself provide reassurance and comfort.


Acknowledge that loss and endings bring different stages of grief. You may well go through them all, some more than once. The s tages can include denial , anger , depression, bargaining/negotiation until there's an acceptance of where you're at. Each case takes its own time.


Take the focus away f rom yoursel f . Volunteer, share the lessons learned, your insights and sensitivity by giving time and support to others. Helping others will often help you too. You'll find some people will have had tough, fraught experiences, others may just need to know there's company and support available. Get involved and appreciate your own growth, strength and resilience.


Above all, recognise that things take their own time but resolution will eventually come to pass.


To Advertise 01625 529 900 email@thefarmart.co.uk www.thefarmart.co.uk August 2019


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