search about “dating.” He told my mom that it’s best to see the movie first, so you’re sure to have something to talk about afterwards, just in case you’re not connecting very well. That’s so smart! He isn’t just letting life happen. He is steering. That’s what we all have to do. And it’s not so easy. It’s easy to keep doing what you’re doing and not be happy with the results. It’s much harder to push yourself to get off the couch, put yourself out there and take risks. There are many websites devoted to help-
ing people of all ages meet others who are looking to make friends with someone with common in- terests. They’re not dating sites. It’s a way to con- nect with others after screening them a little. If you like to kayak, like my boys and mom do, you can find others to go with. Meetup, Nextdoor, Meet My Dog… It might seem funny or sad on the surface, but it’s a sign of our times, and I’m grate- ful people are identifying and addressing the problem. Computers and social media, that are partly to blame for the break-down of the inti- mate connections we crave, have found a way to help with the repair. After school is over we’ve often gone out
and gotten jobs. That’s one of the primary places we make friends. That can be a limiting and prob- lematic experience. When we have kids, we tend to make friends with other parents. When the kids grow up and leave school and activities, we often lose those connections. Sometimes our partner is our only friend or person we interact with regularly. It’s great when your partner is your best friend, but it’s also limiting and prob- lematic, especially if you part ways or they pass away. If you divorce and his or her friends were your friends, sometimes you lose the friends too. The solutions I’d like to offer are pretty
simple. We just have to make ourselves do them. When I was in my early 20s, I had a short period of wanting, but not finding, a partner. My mom suggested a few things. One was to accept offers to go out from someone, even if they didn’t seem like an ideal match. She said I might meet other people, through them, that I fit better with. An- other was to join a club. That way you know you have at least one interest in common. I often mention volunteering on my radio
show, Rockin’ Your Health. So many of the shows touch on loneliness or needing to make changes.
There are endless ways to volunteer and a subject matter for almost everyone. Visiting the elderly, taking them for a drive, delivering meals and tidying up their home are all wonderful ways to help. Helping animals is always popular and a big need. Working on the environment is incredibly important and gets people out in nature, which we humans all need. Reading to little kids in school, or helping them read is contributing to the betterment of the next generation and directly improves their life and chances of success. Teach- ing music to kids or veterans with PTSD is won- derful. Music is proven to heal where other activities don’t, and it helps you as well. A lot of people will donate instruments and song books if you put out a call. Helping veterans gives back to those who gave themselves to our country. Ask another volunteer to join you for a cup of coffee or lunch once you get to know them. There are many music therapy charities.
Bardsong School of Craft & Skills of Old, is a won- derful group of older musicians in Ohio, who are “traveling to local youth detention facilities and group homes and teaching crafts and giving mu- sical instrument instruction to the kids there. They accept donations of musical instruments re- pair them and teach the younger generation to set up and care for their instruments as well as teach those interested how to play them. The youth that show an aptitude for their instruments are given the instrument free of charge.” WeGave is in Florida and “provides the
necessary tools and resources for all veterans and service members to be able to learn, perform and heal through music.” You can find both of these organizations on Facebook. A simple internet search can help you find other volunteer opportu- nities in your area. If you don’t find one you love, you can start your own! If you live away from groups of people, you
can drive to the closest town or do volunteer work online. Volunteering online also works if you have limited mobility. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than sitting there watching T.V, for sure. If you’re a musician on the road, talk to
those you love and feel comfortable confiding in. Tell them you’d like more connection. They miss you, too! Maybe friends or family can join you on a leg of the tour here and there. Try to arrange to call certain people at certain times during the
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