therapy spotlight


from them will provide strength to move to Step Two, where one will reclaim his or her personal power. T is step is the scariest for most of us because it requires that we identify our role in the breakup; how did we not show up for ourselves? Step T ree explores our personal story—what we call in


Conscious Uncoupling


Can Lessen the Pain of Breaking Up by Noelle Davis


B


reakups are tough. T ey can leave us feeling heartbroken, angry and even empty inside. Conscious Uncoupling is a healthier way for people to separate, versus the more com-


mon painful breakup that leaves both partners wounded at their cores. Designed to minimize the hurt and resentments of separat- ing, Conscious Uncoupling is a process that allows each person to leave the relationship with dignity, compassion and respect for self and each other. It is human nature to desire love and companionship. Re-


search shows happy relationships improve health, longevity and quality of life. T e Pew Research Foundation reports half (approx- imately 122.6 million) of all American adults 18 years and older were married in 2016, and another seven percent, or 18 million, are cohabitating. None of us move into a relationship expecting it to end in heartache, yet many unions do. It’s hard to overlook that 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. T is fi ve-step process of Conscious Uncoupling requires


the courage to ask oneself tough questions, and to give honest answers. T e reward is emotional freedom to move forward in a healthier, more empowered way. Step One is about fi nding emotional freedom. Labeling feelings and breathing into them as opposed to turning away


J U N E


Conscious Uncoupling the source fracture story. Very few people get out of their childhood without a source fracture story. T ese are negative and oſt en-unconscious beliefs that we have developed about ourselves that impact how we see ourselves in the world and impact most of our daily interactions. Getting clear about how these stories are not true is incredibly freeing. Step Four is about creating a new story and setting inten-


tions that will help shape a desired future. T is is an especially important step when children are involved. An example of a positive intention is, “To foster an atmosphere of honor, respect and generosity between us so that our children can have a great relationship with us both.” Step Five guides one to identify and complete the old agree-


ments each partner shared, such as “till death do us part”, or “I will never love someone as much as I love you”, and to generate new ones that are appropriate to the new form the relationship is taking. Without knowing it, many people keep their agreements to their partner long aſt er they have separated. Katherine Woodward T omas, a marriage and family


therapist, developed the Conscious Uncoupling method based on the way she and her husband of 10 years moved through their own separation and divorce. Woodward T omas shares her story and guides people moving through a breakup with her New York Times bestselling book, Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even Aſt er. Conscious Uncoupling has been shown to help people tran-


sition their relationships in loving and generous ways. In commit- ting to working through these simple steps, it is possible to guide the self away from an angry ending and toward new empowered ways of being with oneself, others and life.


Noelle Davis is a certifi ed love and relationship coach. She will host a free Conscious Uncoupling talk from 2 to 3 p.m., May 20, at the Blue Heron Center, 1310 Ranch Rd. 620 S. B201, Lakeway. For more info, call 512-766-5329 or visit BraveNewLoveCoaching.com. See ad, page 23.


Coming Next Month


Livable Communities plus: Natural Beauty


June articles include: A Good Life In The City • Mindful Running


Wildlife Conservation • Pet-Friendly Establishments To advertise or participate in our


next issue, call 512-614-4282 May 2018 7


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