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healthy kids


ing,” says Dana Cooley-Keith, with 20 years of experience working with families in crisis in Northwest Georgia. “Even if it’s hard, it’s particularly important for divorced parents to be consistent and on the same page. Otherwise, it creates stress for the entire family, adding more confusion to a child’s life when the noncustodial par- ent allows something the custodial parent doesn’t.”


Be positive, honest, fl exible, reasonable and under- standing. “It is key to explain things to children and to listen to them,” says Evenson’s daughter, Cristen Olsen, of Seattle, who raised her daughter using her family’s guiding principles, and now uses them as a nanny. “It helps them learn how to process situations and fi nd their own resolutions to diffi cult problems.” Olsen says she becomes a mediator when the siblings she


How to Communicate KID TALK


with a Child by Amber Lanier Nagle


Dean, raised their three children decades ago, timeless guiding principles emerged. “We were like other parents—learning and growing along


D


with our children,” says Evenson, a certifi ed professional life coach, musician and co-founder of the instrumental recording label Soundings of the Planet (Soundings.com), in Bellingham, Washington. “T en, in the early 1980s, I met Joshua Halpern, who wanted to include our perspectives and techniques in his book, Children of the Dawn: Visions of the New Family.” So she shared her way of cultivating kind, caring and


empathetic youngsters that has worked for two generations of her family: “Our role is not to impose our beliefs on children and grandchildren, but to guide and help them develop their dreams, visions, paths and passions.” Other experts agree.


Stay Clear. Evenson contends that children are oſt en mirrors of the surrounding moods and attitudes, so our example is paramount. “Chil- dren absorb our feelings and emotions,” says Melanie Hogin, a social worker who counsels foster families in greater Nashville.“‘Transference’ is its textbook term. Stay calm and clear when you are around children, and keep the lines of communication open.”


Be Consistent. Evenson maintains, “Mom and Dad or the primary parental fi gures should try to establish a unifi ed, mutu- ally supportive program.” “Consistency is one of the cornerstones of eff ective parent-


udley Evenson didn’t set out to devise a strategy to foster constructive, nurturing communications between parents and their off spring. Yet as she and her husband,


cares for don’t agree. “We solve the problem together by hearing all sides, talking through the issues and reaching for understand- ing. Many times, the kids come up with their own solutions.”


Provide meaningful boundaries and restrictions. Kids typically push to fi nd their limits. “Establish limits and boundaries when children are young,” says Cooley-Keith. “T ey will be more accepting of rules if you establish them earlier, rather than later. Most oſt en, boundaries provide security for kids.”


Accept their point of view. Evenson always encouraged her children to voice their opinions. “T is is a great point,” says Hogin. “For children to learn to have opinions and speak out, we must value what they say. We don’t have to agree with everything they say, but should listen and encourage them to fi nd their voice and use their words.”


Trust children. “Believe in them,” affi rms Evenson. “Be on their side. Let them feel your support and love.”


Don’t nag. “We all want children to develop their own sense of responsibility,” Olsen says. “I fi nd making strong eye contact rein- forces my words, so I don’t have to nag or repeat myself oſt en.”


Be available, rather than putting kids on the spot in public. “If you correct or redirect a child in front of others, they will probably be focused on being embarrassed and fail to under- stand the lesson or reasoning a parent is trying to project,” says Hogin. “Taking a step back and working out an issue one-on-one is usually more appropriate and eff ective.”


Maintain good habits. Evenson emphasizes the character strength that comes from observing and practicing good habits and healthy lifestyles that avoids gossip and incorporates creative exploration of life. T is includes “Doing everything in love,” she notes. Such all-encompassing love balances love for our own chil- dren with love for all children and respect for all life.


Be patient with yourself. “No one is perfect,” Evenson remarks. “Just do your best. Guide, console and discipline while keeping a sense of humor.”


Connect with the freelance writer at AmberNagle.com. May 2018 15


LightField Studios/Shutterstock.com


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