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So, how do you preserve the relationship while


rediscovering your individuality? If there is one tip I can give you that can make


your relationship flourish after the pixie dust of lust has worn away, it is to support your partner’s dreams. In order to grow with your partner rather than


grow away, find out what they want most in life and help them make that happen. Give them moral support, emotional support, financial support, physical support, or maybe even the support shown by just getting out of their way. If you do this, they are much more likely to do the same for you, and when you do this together, you will both grow. The relationship will become a necessary component to your individual story and your individual story will become a part of the relation- ship. If you don’t follow this mutually-supportive path out of fear of abandonment or some other demon; competition, resentment and distance are likely to manifest and the relationship is much more likely to fall apart. To succeed in a relationship, we need to nurture that relationship, including our partner and


ourselves. And, think it’s easy? Nope. Supporting a partner in their dreams can often conflict with some of our own (e.g., one wants to run for public office while the other wants a quiet life in the suburbs). This is where the hard work is required, and change can happen that will strengthen rather than erode the relationship. It is work…And, you do get tired sometimes. It’s easier if you start early. Ask your partner


about his or her dreams and take a risk by telling them yours before life starts to get in the way. By doing so, you lay the foundation that will make your relationship house stronger when inevitable storms hit. For example, around year three most LGBTQ couples get the “seven-year itch” and eyes start wandering. But, if you can show your partner that you have their back and support their innermost dreams, they are much more likely to keep the focus on you. You are also likely to do the same because you know that your partner will help to bring out the best in you. There is another fun benefit to this as well. If you support your partner in the big stuff, they are much less likely to be bothered by the small stuff, such


as your odd love of college football or spending inordinate amounts of time in the gym steam room. You too will be freer to be you and you will feel more relaxed about allowing them to be them—as long as they have their own TV—and gym. So, though we spend the first year coming together with full-frontal force, we spend the remaining years finding ways to keep from drifting apart. As time moves on, every couple grows and changes. The choice is yours, so start the work now, no matter where you are in your relationship. A funny thing happens when you work together to support each other rather than continually fighting for your independence—the “hard work” drops away and it becomes a lot easier—because you know someone is there helping to carry the load. So maybe the spoof headline from The Onion,” Uttering Phrase, ‘Marriage Is Hard Work.” Number One Predictor of Divorce,” is not such a spoof after all. If you’re saying it, maybe you’re working too hard and you need your partner’s helping hand to lighten the load.


WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, LEND HIM YOUR OWN.


FEBRUARY 2018


FEBRUARY 2018 | | RAGE monthly


monthly


17


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