by greg cason, phd


relationships


an introvert who hates noise, you are going to be miserable. If you’re an artist, an outdoor nudist, or guy who easily gets pissed off, you probably aren’t going to do as well where there are a lot of rules, like in condominiums. If you are someone who is nurturing or likes a lot of structure (and don’t mind wearing clothes outside), then you might enjoy condo life. Social people do best when they


HOME IS WHERE THE HARD IS


Ask yourself this, “Can I bring a date home, make out with him on my front step, invite him in without embarrassment, have my favorite type of sex with him in my house and then do the ‘walk of shame’ to my car so I can drive him home in the morning?”


Perhaps it goes without saying that


you are going to be happiest in a house that fits you. The concept is literally called “Person-Environment-Fit.” If the fit is good, you will thrive and stay there for a long time. If the fit is poor, you will struggle until you get the hell out. If you feel stuck, you are more likely to not only get depressed, but have more physical ailments. So, the choice of where you live can mean happiness or hell. What brings the best “Person- Environment Fit” to the average homo? Three major aspects are: location, structure and meaning. Now I know that most of us cannot necessarily afford our dream house in


our dream ‘hood, but if you consider your heart, you can find happiness within your price range. Real estate agents are right about something—location is everything— starting with the political climate and laws that may make your choice of living comfortable. Situations differentiated by whether you can walk down the street holding your partner’s hand or wake up to find a swastika painted on your door. Everyone in the LGBT commu-


nity, has had to think about personal safety at some point in their lives and safer than fences, locks or guns, is the trustworthiness of your neighborhood and neighbors. It doesn’t have to be


a gay ghetto, but it does have to be gay-friendly. You can certainly look up crime


stats and talk with the police in the area, but it’s best to get personal. Whip out a location-based meet-up app and hit up locals for info. Take note if the gays are closer together or farther apart. A lot of guys who are close by means you won’t have to be eating out as much. Make sure to consider the needs


of your personality and not just the needs of your nether regions, too. It might seem like a good idea to live in a neighborhood with sexy men every ten feet, but if it means living next to a busy street and you happen to be


live near opportunities to be social, introverts do best when they have a place to hide and rejuvenate. Don’t move into the ‘burbs if you like to frequent the bars and don’t live above the bars if you are easily disturbed. When it comes to the structure, consider your personal desires: Depressive-types feel better when there are a lot of windows, as do exhibitionists. Anxious-types and older guys who like to impress young dates, often benefit from a distant view or vistas. Serious sex-play types may prefer a basement where they can install a dungeon and others may want a private deck where he can tan nude. Once in a place, make it about you.


If you share with someone, make sure to make it about him or her, as well. Add personal touches that bring you joy. Maybe it’s a map of a place you love or a style of furniture that makes you smile. Maybe it’s the favorite photograph of the time you remembered to suck in your stomach. Infusing your place with personal meaning will make your house into a home. We cannot have enjoyment unless


we also feel safe, so considering these things will bring happiness to your home. Ask yourself this, “Can I bring a date home, make out with him on my front step, invite himinto my house without embarrassment, have my favorite type of sex with him and then do the ‘walk of shame’ to my car, so I can drive him home in the morning?” If so, then you may have found your perfect “Person-Environment-Fit.”


SEPTEMBER 2017 | RAGE monthly 45


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64