T
the sad news of their split is not without a few bright spots. Now that Holmes has finally slipped her shock collar, she can finally attempt to attempt to resuscitate her moribund acting career. Congrats… good luck! ! Don’t feel too sorry for old Maverick, who surely still has all the right
He Said She Said W
written by: Kevin McFadden
he world recently received the devastating news that five years (and countless facelifts) after tying the knot, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have decided to end their befuddling marriage. However,
written by: Brooke Herron
ell, I have to say that your timing is impeccable because this is my last “She Said” column for Pulse Magazine SWFL. For the past five years, I’ve ranted,
moves even after hitting the divorce trifecta. And by “moves” of course I mean plastic surgeons – hey, at least he still has boyish good looks at age 50! The inevitable demise of TomKat proves once again that 1960s crooner Neil Sedaka was absolutely right about one thing. Breaking up is hard to do! Here are a few basic guidelines to help cope if your partner ever loses that lovin’ feelin’. The normal stages of dealing with a break-up are the same as the
Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance – or DABDA (not to be confused with Swedish pop juggernaut ABBA). The first stage occurs when the dumpeé is unable to admit that the relationship is really over. It’s like the Seinfeld episode where George’s girlfriend relentlessly attacks his “flimsy” and “unconvincing” arguments for why they’re not a good match. In real life, however, this stage can be no laughing matter, and is often
the stuff that restraining orders are made of. Continuing to call and text obsessively after it’s been made clear that your relationship is over is like getting fired from your job, but continuing to show up at the office every morning at 8am. It’s not only a waste of time that makes everyone feel uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, you’re still not getting the payoff you want. Anger comes next. Nobody enjoys feeling like they’re inadequate or
replaceable. In fact, anger may be a perfectly reasonable emotion at such a time, but the key is to channel it properly. Rather than setting fire to all of your ex’s possessions in a bathtub, perhaps consider joining a gym, or Occupy Wall Street. Don’t attempt to “get back at” your ex by hitting the bar scene to drown your sorrows. Bargaining is probably the most pointless of the stages. Whatever
made your former better half end things was probably a lot bigger than the many times you didn’t do the dishes as promised. Pledging to fundamentally change in attempts to convince your ex to give you another chance is not only undignified, but disingenuous. In reality, people rarely change, and even if you could, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t like you as you are? It’s that simple, so I’ll follow my own advice to you and move on. Admittedly, depression is a tough one. I’m afraid avoiding this
stage might not be possible. Relationships take up a lot time, and when they abruptly end, that time is left empty. Spare time is a dangerous thing when you’re trying to shake off the weepies. A bottle of Jack and a DVD copy of Dude Where’s My Car might be a good diversion, but it’s only a temporary fix. In the long run, you’ll only hate yourself more. The key is to reconnect with friends and family, spend more time
enjoying your hobbies, and concentrate extra energy on your job or at the gym. If you don’t have any friends or hobbies and/or are unemployed, then it’s no wonder you got dumped! Quit reading this article, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and start updating your resume immediately! Finally, acceptance. I believe this sage wisdom comes from an episode
of Dawson’s Creek, “Letting go isn’t a one-time thing, it’s something you have to do every day, over and over again.” Like insulin for a diabetic. As usual, the Dawson was correct. Each person has to find a way to move forward each day – the way which works best for them. Fortunately, Tom Cruise can wrap himself in the warm blanket of crazy called Scientology, but the rest of us may need to discover our own path to acceptance. PS. If anyone ever breaks up with you via text or email, it’s perfectly reasonable to spread the rumor that they have a vicious case of herpes!
Pulse Magazine SWFL | 55
raved and (occasionally) complimented the opposite sex, but alas, just like the ill-fated (and totally real) relationship of the TomKat, all relationships must eventually end… c’est la vie. Since you cover the break-up process so comprehensively and
for once I find myself agreeing with everything, I will instead share some of my greatest bits of wisdom acquired over the years. Perhaps it will help you to decisively end it when the writing’s on the wall, or prevent you from diving headfirst into a relationship that’s doomed from the start. • For the love of God, don’t get into a relationship just to be
in a relationship. Everyone gets lonely and everyone wants to be loved, but don’t fall into the arms of the first person who shows a little interest. Take time to consider if taking the relationship to the next level is really in both of your interests… or if it’s just out of desperation. • Pay attention to red flags – seriously! How many times have
I overlooked negative behavior and personality traits in the beginning of a relationship? Countless times. In the initial stages, it’s easy to be swept away and to see no wrong in the other person. Especially when they’re only showing you their best qualities. Paying attention now will save you the inevitable heartache later. • Stand your ground. No one likes a doormat – and if they do,
you certainly don’t want to be with them. Speak up for yourself and your wants and needs, because no one else is going to do it for you. This doesn’t mean you should fight to the death over every small grievance, but if it’s an issue that’s important to you, make it known. Which naturally leads to… • Pick your battles. In every relationship, there are two
completely different individuals. And regardless of how much you love your Pookie Bear, there are going to be disagreements. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things? Usually not. • Love the person for who they are, not who you want or wish
them to be. Fall in love with someone’s potential and you’re just setting yourself up a big disappointment. • As Sublime once sang, “Life’s too short, so love the one you’ve
got…” Don’t take your partner for granted. Ever. I could go on, but you get the gist. The bottom line is that
people want to be with other people. We’re wired for it. But just because it’s ingrained doesn’t mean that we’ll all go about it the same way. Relationships begin and relationships end... but there are a lot of pages between those two chapters. It’s complicated. Take what you can from each one and learn from it. And with that, I bid adieu. Thank you for all the laughs and love, Pulse readers. Until we meet again…
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