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For Sale; Relax lounger, left over from container. Normal price Rp.1.200.000, sale for Rp. 690.000. Call 0361 737329 or email <novita@
paradiseworld.de>. [197]
For Sa over fr price R Rp. 6 737329
For Sale; Mattress (160 x 200). Brand: Airland. Original packed. Was Rp. 2.1 million, now only Rp. 1.2 million. Pleas call Yuni 0815 5883 3991. [198]
For Sale; Indian saree, +/- 30 pcs garment overstock clean up, various, bought was IDR 100-150.000 5 mtr / pcs + indian scarfs , ask for only IDR 45.000 IDR/pcs. Please call 081 2390 3648. Denpasar. [199]
Say What?
Question: I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 12 years now, and I am very confused because I don’t know if he really wants to be with me or not. Four months ago, we rented a house together and paid in advance on a 3-year rental contract. We broke up a few weeks ago for, like, a day. He said he had made up his mind and didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was very upset and cried a lot. Then we decided to work on it. But the thing that gets me is he told me he “owes me that much” -- to work on things. What does that mean?
He is very hot and cold with me. One minute he is hugging me, and the next minute I feel as if he doesn’t even want to be around me. We have trust issues as well because he cheated on me in high school. He didn’t sleep with any other girls, he just kissed them, and I consider that cheating.
I am 25, and so is he. I don’t know what to think anymore. Is he scared of commitment or am I just being used? How do I know if he really loves me or not? He tells me he does, but how can I be sure? I feel so lonely even when I am with him, and if I try to bring up the subject, he gets mad and says I am crazy. What should I do? I mean, he says all the time that he can’t picture himself marrying or having children with anyone else but me. Then why does he always want to break up? And when we do, he comes running back to me a month or so later. I need some advice.
Dr. ZZ: 12 years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone --especially if you’re only 25 years old. Obviously, you and your boyfriend managed to get involved at a young age, and neither of you has had much of an opportunity to mature independently of the other. Even though he may love you dearly, he may also be wondering if he is missing out on something in life – on the freedom of being single, of defi ning his own limits, and of exploring and tasting a bit of life on his own before he settles down. Mostly likely he’s imagining what it would be like to date other people though he’s probably petrifi ed at the same time by the possibility of losing you if he were to try that.
The important thing to realize here is that a 3-year rental contract is not a guarantee of a 3-year relationship. Nothing meaningful can come from trying paint over rust spots before you fi rst scrape away at the corrosion, expose the underlying problem, and start from a fi rm, clean base. As diffi cult as it may be for the two of you to separate from
each other for an agreed upon period of two or three months, my suggestion is that you take time away from each, so that each of you can decide independently whether you really want to be in the relationship. Map out a few mutually agreeable guidelines (safe sex, duration of separation, who gets to stay in the house etc.), and then cast your fate to the winds. Set a date, on which to reconnect and re-decide. If the relationship is strong, your boyfriend will come back to you in appreciation of every- thing he learned and everything the two of you have. If he leaves and ends up not returning, then it is better that he does that now while you are still young, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. In my opinion, that’s your best strategy at this point.
Question: I am 59 and can pass for 10 years younger. I am very much attracted to a man who is 54 years old, and he does not know my age. He probably thinks I am younger. This frightens me because, if I date him, I will have to let him know my age, don’t you think? Please help me. I’m stumped.
Dr. ZZ: The general dating range for people over twenty stretches from being the same age as each other to having as many as ten to fi fteen years’ difference between the two people. You and this man are clearly in the same age bracket. I see absolutely no problem with a 5-year age difference. You, on the other hand, seem to believe that there is a problem, and you are the one who has to live with the ramifi cations of your belief. If you are unable to allow the 5-year age difference to be a non-issue, then you’re going to have to let the details play themselves out.
Given that most men don’t even ask a woman her age, there’s a chance that the subject may not come up unless you choose to mention it. It’s generally through the sharing of life’s experiences that we hint at our age. Statements like, “I was 8 years old when my father bought that brand new ‘59 truck” sketch the outline of the year we were born. A person may say, “So you’re older than me,” but such a remark rarely carries the weight or amount of judgment that you seem to attribute to it. When all is said and done, women tend to outlive men anyway, and every person is only as old as his or her own energy. The numbers used to signify age have little to do with attraction. They are, after all, only numbers.
Copyright © 2010 Say What?
You can read all past articles of Say What at
www.BaliAdvertiser.biz
Dr. ZZ has a Ph.D. in Counseling and a doctorate in Natural Healing. Drawing on a background of over thirty years as a professional therapist, she offers self-help in the areas health, relationship and personal growth. All queries are answered by email and, if they appear in print, are subject to editing. Please email your questions to: <
ba.saywhat@
yahoo.co.id> All identifying information is kept strictly confi dential.
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