support that he needed. He knew Raf [Arutunian] was the guy for him. But every single coaching change I’ve made since Priscilla [Hill], I have called Adam or FaceTimed him and been in tears. I’d tell him, ‘I don’t know what to do,’ and we’d be on the phone for hours. Adam: We’d make a list of pros and cons.
Ashley: And he helped me figure it out. Adam: We’ve really been there for each other during the highs and the lows.
SKATING: You experienced highs and lows at the 2014 U.S. Championships in Boston. Adam, you were an Olympic hopeful, but finished eighth. Ashley, you were named to the Olympic Team after finishing fourth. How did you help each other during that difficult and chaotic time? Adam: Ashley’s nationals experience was completely bit- tersweet. It was everything she wanted but in the complete opposite way she wanted it to happen. And for me, it was a blackout experience of like the worst competition expe- rience of my life. I completely talked myself out of it. I didn’t feel trained, even though I was. A lot of that compe- tition, I would see so many of my friends in the hallways and I would look at them and be blank. In my mind I kept thinking, ‘Tis is my Olympic chance.’
Right after the [men’s] long program, Ashley found me and said, ‘Let’s just go.’ Everyone else who saw me said, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ like someone had died. Nobody died. I just didn’t skate well. I kept it together. I went to her room and sat on her bed and then just started bawling. I started crying that night and had hours where I stopped crying, but pretty much I was crying for the next two weeks.
Ashley: Tat experience was our worst nightmare — for one of us to make it and the other one not. I think the reason why Adam and I have been such good friends over the years — honestly Adam and I have never really fought — is because we’re so frank and open and honest with each other.
Right off the bat, we went back to my room and he start- ed processing it. Adam was in total shock. He didn’t even know what to do. I just needed to get him out of the are- na. Ten after he started dealing with it, I just had to be honest with him. I asked him, ‘How should we do this? How should we deal with this? Should we just separate what we talk about?’ I don’t think our friendship has had to go through all that many challenges, but that was a real- ly weird hurdle for us to get over. We’ve both been in those shoes where you’re not on the Olympic Team and you’re trying to figure out what’s next. (Wagner finished third in the 2010 Olympic year, but the U.S. only had two ladies spots for the Vancouver Games.) Adam: I think right off the bat I had a conversation with myself. ‘Tis happened because you had a bad skate. You skated poorly.’ Of course I was jealous that Ashley gets to go to the Olympics and she gets to have that experience. But I knew I wasn’t going for no other reason than I didn’t skate well. And it happens. And I had to forgive myself, which I didn’t want to do. I would rather punish myself for not doing what I set out to do.
Ashley: What’s so great about us is that we’re not ever in direct competition, but we are at the same level so we understand each other. Adam was incredible because as he was going through all of this, I had become a pariah. People were literally attacking me from every single angle. Tere was so much noise and I was trying to prepare for the Olympics. Adam was the one who pulled me aside and said, ‘You are trying your new long program and that’s your job.’ Adam: Right away I separated my own disappointment. Ashley’s my best friend and I wanted only the best for her.
Te best thing for her wouldn’t be me coming into the rink and being mopey. I would still try to practice and be supportive. Tere was a lot going on and the Olympic pressure can be suffocating. I just wanted Ashley to know that she only had one job and people have short-term memory. I reminded her that if she skates well, no one will remember how she got there.
SKATING: How did you communicate during the Olympics?
Ashley: It was tough. I talked to him every few days. I wanted Adam to feel like he was part of the experience but I didn’t want to rub it in his face. We had a good balance. When I needed him, he was there for me in a heartbeat. And I would call him and check in on him. We put on the shoes that we needed for each other and made it work.
SKATING: Ashley, did you bring Adam anything from Sochi? Adam: I wanted nothing to do with the Olympics.
Ashley: I sent him Valentine’s Day cupcakes.
SKATING: In the media run-up to the Olympics, Ashley was the first American athlete to condemn Russia’s strict anti-gay laws. Did your relationship with Adam help solidify your decision to make those kinds of comments?
Ashley: I am surrounded by so many incredible people in my life. I focus on the person and who they are and what they’re about. So anytime I see anyone being blatant- ly defined by one thing or another, you really strip them of their personality. Having a best friend who is gay, having family members who are gay and knowing that being gay is such a small snippet about who they are … So when we were on that [U.S. Olympic Committee Media Summit] stage and I heard everybody giving those cookie-cutter re- sponses because they’re afraid of what people would say, scared of what Russia would do, it just felt wrong. I didn’t think my comments were brave or forward-thinking. I just felt like it was being honest and what needed to be said.
SKATING: Adam, what was your reaction to Ashley’s public stance? Adam: My first reaction was, ‘Of course.’ I know Ash- ley and she would never give an answer unless it was true to her. I was just so proud of her. When you’re in those pressure situations, sometimes the pressure takes over and you’re afraid of what people will say. She stuck to her guns and stayed true to herself.
Beyond that, it’s the year 2015. So many more athletes are willing to be open and it’s part of the culture now to be more open about who you are and what your interests are. Of course people are interested in your sexual orientation. People love rumors.
When athletes come out and say that they’re gay, it makes it a little more normal and less of a big deal — especially in the athletic community. You have a lot of respect for your fellow athletes for working hard toward a goal. Teir sexual orientation takes a backseat to that.
Being gay is not something that defines me. What defines me is what my mom always taught me: to treat everyone with respect, to always be a hard worker and to be kind. Tose are the things that define me.
SKATING: You considered coming out before the Sochi Olympics. Adam: I did think about it. I feel so overwhelmed that U.S. Figure Skating wants to be a part of me. It’s a huge thing to have your sport’s governing body be a part of that and to show all their athletes that they accept them for who they are and for their individual personalities. When you go out and compete, you want to represent [the or- ganization] to the best of your ability, and you want to represent your true, authentic self. When you’re honest
SKATING 25
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