Us win the World Cup? Naw... Too many Scots in the team M
by Paul Kavanagh
ANY YEARS ago, when I lived in Spain and was channelling
Mystic Meg while on a package holiday to Benidorm, I was discussing Scotish independence with a Catalan friend. Scotland, I said, would not gain independence because it would be the setled will of the Scotish people expressed as a united nation on a march to self-determination. Because if my typically Scotish family are anything to go by, the Scotish people are incapable of arriving at a setled will on a venue for a family party, and can’t determine who’s going to be responsible for the bar bill. Put two Scotish people together in a room, and you’ve got three arguments.
As a mate once said when asked if Scotland would ever win the World Cup – “Naw. Too many Scots in the team.” Although most of us can generally agree that Nicholas Witchell is a numpty and if they see just one more bloody royal family
60 July 2015
Te Tories will drunkenly rant about how everything was so much better back in the old days when no one objected to racism, sexism or homophobia, and Labour will blame everyone else for everything before throwing up all over the Lib Dems who had been sitting quietly in the corner getting quietly steaming and feeling sorry for themselves.
special on the BBC they’re going to be sick.
Nevertheless, Scotish independence is inevitable, and not solely because the nation is united in its disdain for Nicholas Witchell. Independence will happen because the Unionist parties in Westminster will prove incapable of coming up with a constitutional setlement which can keep the UK together. They will be blind-sided by their own short-term party interests, and the whole Unionist project will fall apart amidst mutual Unionist recriminations which will make my family gatherings appear positively good natured. The Tories will drunkenly rant about how everything was so much beter back in the old days when no one objected to racism, sexism or homophobia, and Labour will blame everyone else for everything before throwing up all over the Lib Dems who had been siting quietly in the corner geting quietly steaming and feeling sorry for themselves.
The pity parties have already begun. Last month Gordie Broon intervened again. He’s always intervening in the independence debate, and it’s always for the first time. Possibly this is because the UK media hopes that Gordie’s previous interventions have been forgoten, and that’s certainly the case with the Daily Record and The Vow. All the Unionist parties are now desperately trying to make out that The Vow never happened and what we were promised was control over road signs and some tinkering with income tax. But to be fair, it is easy to forget the former Prime Minister’s previous interventions because Gordon bounces into the constitutional debate more frequently than a space hopper with OCD. It’s just a pity for Gordon that his space hopper has a leak and people mistake his interventions for the sound of vapid gas hissing out of an over-pumped balloon. Which is a prety accurate assessment, really.
Gordie thinks that the UK is on life support, and this is because the Tories have turned themselves into an English nationalist party. Clearly, Gordie hasn’t
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100