FEATURE
Dementia Care: When the
Unthinkable Happens
What should you do when someone you love has dementia? Christina Macdonald, author of the book Dementia Care: A Guide, cared for her late mother for nine years. She tells us more about her experiences and offers tips for others in the same position.
My late mother Hazel was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2009 after a series of mini-strokes, though in reality she probably had the disease for a few years before diagnosis. I first noticed something was wrong when she began repeating the same questions and not remembering recent events. Her short-term memory became very poor.
At first, I assumed she was still grieving for my late father, who died in 2007, which had understandably created a huge void in her life. She grew easily confused doing basic tasks, like cooking a meal or making a cup of tea and began getting lost when driving to familiar places.
One day she drove to the local shops and then walked home, forgetting the car was parked outside. The next day she rang me to say the car had been stolen. I took her car keys away and she never drove again. I felt bad but she was in denial and wouldn’t accept that anything was wrong.
A Helping Hand As time went on she became more confused. My biggest challenge was ensuring she was safe and well cared for, as I worked long hours as a magazine Editor in West London and she lived in Essex. I lived more than an hour away in Surrey.
I arranged for her to have Meals On Wheels as she’d become very thin
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due to living on a diet of caffeine, chocolate and cigarettes. Age UK agreed to send in a cleaner twice a week and I hired a handyman to help with odd jobs and gardening. Things were fairly stable for a few years. Then as she became less mobile and more confused, I arranged for carers to come in twice a day to prompt her to take medication and get her washed and dressed. She hated the intrusion and didn’t adjust to it at all.
I realised that it wouldn’t be safe for her to live on her own much longer, so I began researching local care homes in my area. I spent about six months doing research and during that time I discussed various options with her. Some days she’d agree to consider living in a care home and other days she would flatly refuse. Even when we’d had a positive conversation about residential care, she would forget the discussion ten minutes later and I’d be back to square one.
Final Straw I put my foot down, overriding insistence that she was fine on her own,in December 2013 when a neighbour found her locked out without a coat at 10pm.
I sold her house and moved her into a fantastic care home ten minutes from me, so I was able to visit her daily and know that she was safe while I was at work. She lived there for two
years. Sadly she passed away in July this year from a chest infection but I can take comfort in knowing that she was well taken care of and was a popular resident. Staff there were very fond of her.
I know that dementia affects people in different ways, but for anyone facing a similar situation with a loved one, my advice would be to think of the following pointers.
If the person has just been diagnosed, organise Lasting Power of Attorney for Property & Finance and Health & Welfare while you still can. You will only be able to do it if the person is deemed to have mental capacity so don’t leave it too long. More information here.
Seek help from others. It’s important to acknowledge that you can’t do it all on your own. Enlist the support of trusted friends and family, draw up a rota of chores and share them between you.
It’s also crucial that you communicate clearly with your support team and compare notes on the health and wellbeing of your loved one. Ensure they have regular health checks and get their GP to review their medication every six months to a year. Notify them immediately of any sudden deterioration.
Your loved one may be entitled to funding to help with their needs, so
www.tomorrowscare.co.uk
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