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Have you noticed them plastic squares


covered with extra-large nodules, approximate- ly 3’ X 3’ in size that are glued to the ground at entrances/exits to most stores, shoppin’ malls and sidewalk aprons? I had no idea what they were for and assumed they provided some kind of extra grip or traction for those people in wheelchairs. Not so.


After commentin’ to an employee at one of them big box stores that two of my lower molars had shaken loose after pushin’ my shop- pin’ cart over them bumpy pads he informed me that they’re mandated by state law for blind people . . . oh sorry, I mean the visually im- paired. He continued by tellin’ me that they are placed where the sidewalk or store entrance/ exit meets the pavement. So if you can’t see that you’re about to walk out into traffic, the pain that radiates through your feet by walkin’ on these large bumps will, or should, cause you to stop until the traffic passes. But wait, there’s more. A new law will


go into effect in 2017 that will force the mak- ers of electric cars to add noise. That’s right. They’re too dang quiet and if a visually im- paired person can’t hear them, well, they might step out in front of one of them contraptions. As luck would have it I recently installed a set of loud exhaust pipes on my Harley, so now I’m compliant with all state and federal noise regulations.


One of the great benefits to our job was


becomin’ members of the Los Angeles Fire- men’s Credit Union. The name was unique too, no doubt about it. We also worked for the best Department in the world and our Credit Union mirrored that fact. It was a special benefit as well, not only because of the personalized ser- vice but because our money was safe and se- cure.


Paid Advertisements: have water?” The old man replied, “I have no water.


Would you like to buy a tie? They’re only $5” The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot


infidel. I do not need such an over-priced west- ern adornment, I spit on your ties. I need wa- ter!”


Angelo “Pop” Ramirez is 93 years old and living with relatives in Colorado now. He still puts on his dress uni- form and attends fire service functions with his firefighter grandchildren. Thanks for the update Duane!


We had Doris too. She always laid out


the “red carpet” for us that made that personal- ized service really come to life. And getting’ a loan, whether for a house, car or RV was pretty dang simple, almost too simple. Fast forward a few years and things


have changed. The name is no longer special and that personalized service is a bit worn around the edges. “Our” credit union has opened its doors to the State of California and is soon goin’ to let in the rest of the country. I know things change. Heck, Harleys


and Porsches now have water cooled engines, but do I have to listen to them phone recordins’ that tell me, “Please listen carefully as our phone options have changed,” or “We’re ex- perincein’ a heavier than usual call volume?” OK, my Credit Union Board. Wave your magic wands and eliminate those phone messages and simply let us talk to a real person.


COWBOY HUMOR


A fleein’ Taliban terror- ist, desperate for water, was ploddin’ through the Afghan desert when he saw somethin’ far off in the distance. Hopin’ to find water, he hurried to- ward the mirage, only to find a very frail old man standin’


at a small makeshift display rack, sellin’ ties. The Taliban terrorist asked, “Do you


The old man replied, “Sorry, I have none, just ties, pure silk and only $5.” “Pahh! I curse your ties. I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my en- ergy and find water.” “Okay,” said the little old man, “It does


not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me an infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in peace.” Cursin’ him again the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later, he crawled back,


almost dead and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!”


AC


KEEP SMILIN’! choppedup@att.net


March 2017 • 35


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