Out on DVD this month
STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS
Han Solo dies. Yep, Han Solo dies. Kylo Ren, who is his son, kills him in the belly with his fruity cruciform lightsaber. Yep yep yep. Han Solo. Dead. And you see Luke Skywalker at the end, but he doesn’t say anything; he just stands on a rock looking constipated.
Now, if you’re stamping your little feet shouting “OMG! SPOILERS MUCH,” let me explain to you why you have no right to watch films or partake in popular culture in any form: see, people like me, we’re
enthusiastic and passionate about films. We like to watch films and talk about them. Sometimes even in public. And people like you don’t get to restrict that activity just because you haven’t got off your arse to watch the film yet. People like me, we’re considerate; we’re going to give you a few weeks to catch up, but people like you can’t have it both ways: If you’re honestly waiting for Te Force Awakens to come out on Blu-Ray before you watch it, you don’t care enough to be convincing when you shout “SPOILERS!” Han is dead. Shut up.
Ting is, I’m safe on this one. Not one single person reading this is going to be watching JJ
Abrams’ spectacularly entertaining Star Wars reboot for the first time at home. Just like no one reading this gives half a hoot what I think about TFA; Come April 18th, you’re either buying this, or you’re not. And I am.
Jay Freeman
April FILM RELEASES Miles Ahead Don Cheadle stars as Miles Davis, in the film of Miles Davis. More films about famous musicians should use puns as their titles. Turner-round - the story of Tina, for example, or Wonder-ful World - the story of Stevie. I'd see them all just for that. Brilliant.
Midnight Special Latest movie from director Jeff Nichols (Mud) about a father with a special powered young son. Tey're on the run from a cult who think he's the One, and an agent with a gun. Sounds like not a lot of fun. It is good though. And it's got Michael Shannon in it.
Jane Got a Gun Westerns are so hot right now, and so not to miss out on a trend, here's another one. Tis one has got Natalie Portman in it though, and Ewan Macgregor, plus, it's directed by Gavin O'Connor (Te Warrior) so I wouldn't hang up your spurs until after you've watched this gritty tale of frontier revenge.
Brand New Testament Being as we're chums with the lovely people at Cinema City, I can write about some awesome foreign films that are coming out. Like this one from Belgium. I'm not going to write it in Dutch though, or French, so don't worry. And you don't have to speak either to enjoy the film - they have subtitles, so don't worry about that either. I've run out of words now. Google it. Smiley
April DVD RELEASES 04 March Stan Lee’s Lucky Man: Season 1 James Nesbit is a gambling-addicted cop so unlucky he could fall into a bucket of tits and come up sucking his thumb. Until, that is, a chance encounter with Dodgy Premise Man makes him really lucky or something. (Actually, it’s pretty good.)
11 April Mr. Robot: Season 1 Tis critically acclaimed, Kubrick-tinged tale of a vigilante hacker is probably very clever and original if you’ve never seen Fight Club. It even features Te Pixies’ Where Is My Mind in almost every episode. Still, even if you have seen Fight Club, it’s got a lot going for it
18 April Veep: Season 4 and Silicon Valley: Season 2 Director Danny Boyle, writer Aaron Sorkin, and leading man Michael Fassbender’s warts-and-all portrait of the Apple impresario is relentless, theatrical, and drum-tight. A masterclass from all concerned, and one of the best films of last year.
25 April SistersI’m not sure how a film featuring the towering talents of the magnificent Amy Poehler and Tina Fey manages to be so bloody awful, but it does. Part piss-poor buddy comedy, part vulgar party comedy, all unfunny load of old guff. Jay Freeman
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