April 2016 MAINE COASTAL NEWS Page 23. Politics on the Maine Coast By Lee S. Wilbur
“Judas Chestah, you put a-nutha dent in that old van of yours.” “Ayep, I backed inta Mutha’s car this mornin on the way downheah.” “What was ya, tiahd” “Well Percy, I stayed up past nine and watched one a them political dee-bates.” “Which one’d you watch? The Re-pub- lican or the Demacrats?” “Well, I think it was a Re-publican,
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one with that woman n’ the old guy with crazy hair. Her name was Clintin fi remem- bah right.” “Well Chestah, jew learn anathin?” “You know Percy, you know, that old
guy just might be onta somethin’. He’s allowin’ as to how you’n me might jus be able tuh go tuh Doc Seavey for nuthin’ f ‘he were elected president. An my daugh- ta Carey can go to unaversity for nothin’ swell. Course he didn’t say anythin’ about grub and a place tuh stay. Pr’haps I might just drop him a line for clarifi cation on that point. “Well Chestah, we mights well get us a
cuppa coff ee fore we head done to the har- bah. That hairy headed guy, he say where he’s gonna get all this money for the hair- cuts?”
“Percy, I didn’t say anythin’ about
haircuts. I said Doc Seavey woudn’t have tuh chase us any longah for money we owe him for doctah visits. And furthermoah, way he talked all tha rich fellers was gonna take up tha slack.” “Szat mean we wahnt have ta get
up early in the mornin’ an go fi shin’, gov’ment’s gonna give us free haircuts?” “Perce, what’s with all this talk about
free haircuts? You haven’t hardly got any hair anyways. We best go in for’an egg or two. Light’s startin up.” “Well Chestah, I haven’t got any kids
tuh send off tuh university. So’s I can recol- lect anyways, so maybe I’d like somethin’ free for a change. Let’s sit at Reggie’s table this mornin’ I got to ask him a few ques- tions.” Well that mornin’ there was little talk
of the price for bait. Politics was the sub- ject and Reggie, whose son had a Christmas wreath business up in Milbridge was fi t to be tied.
“Percy, take this cha-ah. Sit down
heah, deah. I gots tuh talk with you bout somethin’. Christ you watch that dabate
othah night, one with them ten charactahs all yellin t’each othah. Couple of em sa- yin wah’nt be no more Mexicans comin’ inta tha country. Christ Percy, what’s little Reggie gonna do for help tippin’ and ma- kin’ them wreaths for Christmas. Christ, you can’t fi nd anyone else ta work. Christ what’s he gonna do.” “Well Reggie, well you know Chestah
watched some debate last night, and he’s sayin, course he wa’nt admit it, but tha de-bate he watched sounded like we was gonna get everythin free, startin’ with Doc Seavey and free haircuts. Course I don’t give a damn about free haircuts, Emma cuts mine. But I wouldn’t mind sleepin’ in a few mornins’. Says all them New Yawkahs, one’s we see up heah in the summah with all them fancy cars gonna pay for all this. Jee-sus Reggie, I didn’t know they had that much money, way they’s always tryin’ tuh beat me down on my lobsta prices down’t the wharf”
“Che-rist, Percy, things is some
screwed up ain’t they. We got a call last night from out’n Californyah. Ruby’s sistah from thuh fi rst marriage. Her son’s a Ma- rine Pilot. Christ, say’s they can only fl y a few howahs a month. Christ, military’s got no money for fuel and even less for bullets an tahget practice. Christ, he says they’ve got a bunch a them carrieahs down to Naw- falk keepin’ em out commission.” “Don’t it seem kinda strange to you
Reggie, this feller we got down theah to Washington says we’ah gonna be able to ne-goshate everythin’. We ain’t gonna need any military. Sounds ta me like he’s been smokin’ som-uh that wacky tobacca. What we get for not teachin’ History an Civics an’ then this BS about bein’ pa-liticcally ceerect. Least my parents taught me the 10 commandments. Bet these youngsters don’t do much textin’ bout that, now what do you say!!
“No suh, Perc. Nother thing I”m havin’
trouble getting’ my head wrapped around is this infl ashun thing. Now’s close as I can to understandin’, them fellers down to Wash- ington says food and gas can’t be fi gured into the infl ashun factor. But food goes up gas goes up, costs more to live...you been to the hahdwaah stoah lately. Christ, 2 bolts, 2 nuts, an 2 washas cost moah than a 6-pak a’ Bud Lite. My mothah’s on Social Secu-
Continued on Page 24.
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