AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18 Sometimes, when people say things to us that we aren't expecting to hear, we have a moment when we can hardly believe our ears. Tese moments often take the form of compliments, which you, oh stubborn Aquarius, insist on ignoring in case you start believing that someone might actually be into you. Well I’ve got news for you, you beautiful bastard. You’re so fucking awesome this month. I love your shizzle. Fuck my mouth. Your lucky tube is piping.
PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20 Courage is always supposed to lie hidden beneath the surface of our personality. Discretion is, as they say, the better part of valour. Of course, sometimes you have to stand tall and shout “I’M MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANY MORE!” However, oh oversensitive Pisces, Christmas probably isn’t the best time to take a stand, especially where family is concerned. Take deep breaths, and yule be OK. Your lucky reconstituted turkey format is drummers.
few years in this game, that it’s skill - the literal and abiding ability to actually do something - that gets things done. And auras. Your lucky birds are fork-hauling.
SAGITTARIUSNOV 22 - DEC 21 Tey say, 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.' Well I’ve got a little knowledge for you, it’s dangerous to be so unemotional and independent. Oh, non-depending, unfeeling Sagittarius, if you don’t feel, you won’t know that you’ve been wounded. And that’s bad. Especially when you are on your own. IIIIIIIIIT’S CHRIIIIIIII1IIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAS! Your lucky gender-of-dancer is female
ARIESMAR 21 - APR 19 If I tell you what I think and you tell me what you think, will either of us be any the wiser? Of course we will, after all, knowledge is power. Te trick is, oh, self-absorbed Aries, that you have to be willing to pay attention to someone other than yourself. Christmas is a time for giving. A shit. Your lucky bird placement is partridge. In a pear tree.
TAURUSAPR 20 - MAY 20 Te clever people who run Facebook (and who thus surely know all that there is to know about human interaction) say you can't have more than 5,000 friends at any one time. Well fuck those guys, oh materialistic Taurus, just get two profiles! Get five! In the ‘80s we were limited by the cruel physical restraints of Filofaxes and rolodexes, but nowadays you can shoot for the fucking moon! Your lucky dove configuration is a brace of turtle.
GEMINIMAY 21 - JUN 20 Are there not times when we all inadvertently pass on misinformation? Do we not all sometimes slip a misjudged little porky into proceedings? Have you never hoist the wrong end of the stick onto an unwitting peer, leaving them with eggs on their face? Oh, imaginative Gemini: Of course you have. We all have. Don’t worry about it. Your lucky hen source is France.
CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22 It isn't true to say that we can do anything if we have enough faith. Sure, you’ve got to have faith, love can build a bridge, hope can set us free, and dreams can come true. But, I reckon, after a
10 / December 2015/
outlineonline.co.uk
LEOJUL 23 - AUG 22 If compromise makes the world go round, does intransigence stop it? If music is the food of love, does silence empty its bowels? If a tree falls in a forest, and it doesn’t make a sound, does that mean you’re not there? Oh, pretentious Leo, anyone can ponder, but it takes a truly inquisitive soul to realise that the most important questions are the most simple. “Who put that there?” for example. FIIIIVE GOOOOLD RIIIINGS!
VIRGOAUG 23 - SEP 22 A famous fable tells us of a race between a Lepus and a Testudine; another tale tells of the voyage of a Strigiformes and a Felis Catus; and yet another speaks of a Porcine triumvirate’s struggle with a Lupine landlord. Oh, fussy Virgo. It’s good to be precise, but being overly so can really suck the poetry out of a situation. Your lucky egg source is goose.
LIBRASEP 23 - OCT 22
Tese days, people don't just sell insurance, they sell policies that protect us if our existing policies fail to pay up properly. I’m sure you can see the catastrophic infinite regress that this potentially presents. Oh, Idealistic Libra, if I were you, I’d start an insurance company that insured insurance company buildings against wilful damage by enraged Kafkaesque parodies. Merry Christmas. Your lucky Welsh activity is Swansea swimming.
SCORPIOOCT 23 - NOV 21 Your sixth sense rarely falters but this doesn't mean you are always right about everything. Te problem with ‘the gift’ is that visions, like spectral text messages, are wide open to interpretation. Oh, jealous Scorpio, don’t get wrapped up in worry, feasting on the figgy pudding of panic, or you’ll fill your stockings with coal. And nuts. And maybe a tangerine. Your lucky custard is made with milk in.
CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 20 'Don't touch that, you don't know where it has been.' Tese were the first lines Bing Crosby had written for a song he had selected as a possible track for his now legendary 1977 Christmas collaboration with famous Capricorn David Bowie. Tankfully, the bosses went with Bowie’s selection of Te Little Drummer Boy, and the rest is history. Te rest of Bing’s song is gone, which is wrong. Your lucky pop-star dance is Lorde’s leaping.
BY DR E. MANN
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64