What is a mother?
by Stacia Karina, healer, counsellor, friend, lover, truth activist, mother
THIS IS AN ENDLESS discussion for me. What is a mother? I am a 43-year-old woman who for the most part of my life was clear that I was not getting married and I was not having children. I was more interested in having fun than having kids. When I hit my early 30s (after marrying and divorcing) I began to question my identity and my choices around children and being a mother. I decided that I was open to having children if they were created with pure love and could be raised within community. For me the African proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child”, rings very true. After putting this clarity out to the
Universe, I soon met an incredible man with whom I found this love that I was looking for and whose dream was to create and live in community. Bingo! However,
he already had three children and was very clear he wanted no more. I was 38 when we met and it has only been in this past year that I have come to fully accept that having my own children is not part of this lifetime. I don’t want to be 53 with a 10-year-old. At least that’s what my 43-year-old thinks she knows right now – and that’s all I have to go by. My journey of grieving this loss (yes, it’s
a loss and also a gain) has brought with it many confronting questions, some that still hold a lot of energy today. The main one is, “Am I a whole woman without having birthed a child?” As a counsellor I believe that our bodies hold a vast amount of wisdom, and I often wonder whether the birthing of a child is also the birthing of myself as the wise mother, an initiation or activation of some sort where my real inner knowing will kick in and just guide me. This I will never know for myself. What I do know is this. I feel like a
mother in many parts of my life. As a counsellor I hold the inner child in many
adults with loving care. I have held, gestated and birthed projects that have felt incredibly labour intensive and cried as I held the fruits of this labour in my shaking arms. When friends and strangers are asked to reflect on my qualities I am often referred to as Earth Mother or a mother figure. So yes, I do believe I step in to the role of the mother in my life in many ways. I mother people and in doing so I believe I am also mothering the Earth, as while this Mother Earth is the eternal mother to many, she also needs our care, now more than ever. On this note I celebrate the mother in
all of us, men and women. Happy Mothers Day to us all!
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