ISSUE S
Children, cars, choices
by Emma Stephens, communicator, creator, celebrator and CEO
THERE ARE MANY aspects to my not being a mother which impact on me; some every day, some just occasionally.
Some are quite easy to sail past, while others floor me for a while… Then I pick myself up, and keep going through my life, making the best of the wonderful world around me. I’m grateful for this opportunity for
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those of us who aren’t biological mothers to have a voice. I’ll share just one snippet. She got out of her van, full of seats
for all her children and their friends, and looked at me with contempt. She told me how I ‘had changed’,
and that she didn’t know if she wanted to be my friend since I was
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making ‘irresponsible choices’ such as buying my beautiful two-seater convertible. I don’t remember what I said –
something deflated – I do remember how I *wanted* to respond though: I wanted to scream out all my pain of being childless. I wanted to yell that if I couldn’t have
the beauty and wonder and fulfilment that so many people say motherhood provides, surely I was allowed to enjoy the freedom that having no children brings?!? It was a ‘small’ moment in an
already fraught friendship. However it etched itself into me. I’m not sure that anyone who IS a mother will get what it’s like to feel judged or shunned for choices that those of us who aren’t mothers make… I guess I’m hoping that more people
will understand that it can be very hard to not have children – even for those of us who have learnt to find many of the good aspects.
eel good now!
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