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Her miniature schnauzer intuitively approaches her clients that are anxious and grieving and gives them permission to pet him. “It puts people at ease,” she says. “Then they can talk more freely about their pain.” Numerous studies, starting in the 1980s, show that stroking a furry pet lowers blood pressure.


Charting a Personal Course For the bereaved (literally defined as “torn apart”), the symptoms of grief are meant to slow us down, advises Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, in Fort Collins, Colorado, and author of nu- merous related books, including Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart.


Society expects bereaved people to “carry on, keep


their chins up, be glad they had him/her as long as they did or else be grateful that our loved one’s pain is over”— all platitudes that are more hurtful than helpful, says Wolfelt. Mourning takes time, but it also requires a social context, he explains. “It’s the shared response to loss. If you isolate yourself, you are grieving, not mourning. You can’t do this on your own. It’s bigger than you.” For those that feel stuck or unable to move forward, experienced grief counselors may be able to help.


Kathleen Barnes is the author of numerous health books, including Ten Best Ways to Manage Stress. Connect at KathleenBarnes.com.


The Sacred Wheel of Grief by Cheryl Downey


A Cheryl Downey center—untouched.


Healing the heart is each griever’s unique process, with common phases and challenges. If moving through recent loss, it is important to simply allow and accept the initial shock, emotions, thoughts, body reactions and spirit longings that seep or surge from the depths, and to be present to whatever comes. If dealing with longstand- ing grief or buried loss, it may be important to reach out to professionals for help shifting entrenched patterns for release and healing.


Common reactions to grief are emotional resistance Knowledge = Power


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and control which tend to create more pain. Many fight tearfulness, yet tears created from emotional pain were tested and found to carry toxins. Studies indicate that fasting for two to four days triggers the regeneration of damaged immune systems. Is it possible acknowledging loss as fasting triggers the deep cleansing of grief, releasing old baggage or toxic patterns, regenerating well-being? Grief experiences are awakenings, illuminating inner-


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most restrictive beliefs, painful memories, or thoughts and feelings that have kept a person in a walking, sleep-like state. It’s important not to allow the mind’s fear of change to sabotage the heart’s release. Take courage and trust that the Sacred Wheel of Grief will inevitably turn, carrying each one forward if allowed, moving with perfect timing. Grief is, by nature, healing movement, transforming painful emptiness of loss into creative mystery. By keeping a lid on the sacred well of grief’s emergence, the awesome changing power of feminine energy flowing up from our inner depths, creating new life, is blocked. Each emotion has a story to tell; each awareness is a divine messenger. The innermost truth sings the song of life within. Beauty rests in each grieving heart.


Cheryl Downey has empowered healing through life losses, illness, dying and grief for 35 years as a hospital/ hospice chaplain. She recently founded the Sacred Wheel Center for Grief and Healing, and her book, Emerging from the Dark: Grief Around the Sacred Wheel, is nearing publication. For more information on individual or group sessions, call 612-272-3977, email Healing@Sacred WheelCenter.com, and visit SacredWheelCenter.com.


nyone who has experienced loss knows that life is changed


forever. Some face this shift with an open, courageous heart, while others dread and resist the ener- getic movement that follows. And no wonder. Our being is like an ancient wheel divided into four directions of life: physical, emotion- al, spiritual, mental, and grief leaves no aspect—even our deepest heart


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