BERNIE


By Bernie Siegel, MD The Beginning of the End


The best part of a good man never dies. You will see him in all the things here out of love and for love…The best part of a good man stays forever for love is immortal and makes all things immortal but hate dies every minute. ~ William Saroyan


death is not the worst outcome. There is a point in everyone’s life, no matter their spe- cies, when one’s body no longer will func- tion and is not a comfortable place to be in. Symbolically, when people draw pur-


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ple balloons, butterflies and kites going up into the sky they are telling me, often unconsciously, that they are ready for the healing that comes when they make the spiritual transition and leave their bodies. Death is about beginnings and not endings. We do not call graduations terminations we call them commencements, and so is death. Every caterpillar and butterfly under- stands what the transformation means bet- ter than most people. Saroyan shares these words at the end


of a story in which a young man dies; he becomes “dreamless, unalive, perfect”. And I know that he is right. I have expe- rienced a near death experience as a four year old choking on a toy. I aspirated, and I can tell you when you leave your body


t may seem strange for me to start a dis- cussion about how to handle loss and the death of loved ones by saying that


you will most likely not want to come back. Even blind people see when they have a NDE and are often upset when resuscitated and find themselves back in their body and blind again. Harry Chapin’s song, “Circle”, shares


these words: “It seems like I’ve been here before; I can’t remember when; But I have this funny feeling; That we’ll all be together again….Our love is like a circle; Let’s go ’round one more time”. Yes, when the circle ends we grieve the loss of our loved ones, which is appropriate, but to live in the dark- ness is not what we are here for. I can remember building a cairn over


the grave of one of our dogs who died and bringing a rock to the site every morning as I walked by his grave. Then one morning I thought what I wanted to bring him was beauty, so I picked a flower to place there. From that morning on I looked for beauty because of my loss and not a cold stone. I have written about the candle that


represents every one of our dead loved ones. I do not want to put out their can- dles with my excessive grieving and tears.


I have learned to forgive myself as I know they would forgive me, and to use my pain to nourish myself and others and make our lives meaningful. When one is hungry one does not get angry at one’s body. You seek nourishment. Animals and children are complete and


can be our teachers. When a cat named Missy came into our home, and I didn’t no- tice she wasn’t eating well, I felt enormous grief and guilt when she developed liver failure and died. Her grave and cairn lies in the yard outside our door and I think of her often, but I also know she has forgiven me and wants me to enjoy the day. In her honor I do more for animals. As a young man said prior to dying, “What is evil is not the dis- ease but to not respond with compassion to the person with the disease”. We must use our loss and express our compassion and when we do the curse becomes a blessing and helps us to become complete too. The key is enjoying the day as all ani-


mals do. The way to die laughing is to ac- complish what you are here to accomplish, and animals do that much better than we do. To quote a veterinarian who let her patients help her through surgery, “I can amputate a leg or jaw and they wake up and lick their owner’s faces. They are here to love and be loved and teach us a few things.” A Hindu myth shares the words of a


seven year old who is about to give his life to save another, “Consider this, sooner or later my body will perish, but if it perishes without love, which the wise declare is the only thing of permanence, of what use will it have been?” When he is about to die he bursts into joyful laughter and everyone stops and clasps their hands together in an attitude of prayer.


6 Essential Living Maine ~ January/February 2015


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