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Doctor is in!


The


LOCAL PSYCHOLOGIST DR. KARLA REPPER ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS


Karla Repper, PhD, is a clinical


psychologist with expertise in assessment and treatment of mental health conditions across the lifespan. She has specialized training in the


assessment of child and adolescent emotional and behavioral functioning, and cognitive development and treatment of child/adolescent conditions. She has a thriving practice with Baptist Behavioral Health. Repper grew up in Jacksonville and


happily returned following her graduate training to live and work in her hometown. She spends her non-working time with her husband and two young sons, and enjoys yoga, the outdoors, reading and learning about becoming more mindful in her daily life.


After the recent tragedies in Newtown and Boston, how do I alleviate my child’s fears and address her questions about these events?


It seems that our society has been inundated with tragic, senseless mass killings


in the past decade, all captured and replayed over and over on our TVs and computers. Tese events are heartbreaking to everyone, and for parents they come with an additional concern: how do I talk to my child about this? What do I say to help them feel safe? One thing is certain, even very young children will know that something bad has happened and hear bits and pieces from others, and wonder what it means for them. Children don’t always hear correct stories from others and they often fill their gaps in knowledge with incorrect information. Terefore, it is imperative that parents pay attention to their children’s response and attend to their experience during a tragedy.


For younger children, your focus should be making sure they feel safe. Reassure


them that you are taking good care of them and that what happened is sad, but that they are safe. Keep their world a little more stable for a while—keep to a schedule and offer more affection like snuggles and hugs.


For older children and adolescents, talking with them to make sure they have the


facts of the tragic event correct is important. You can ask what they’ve heard at school from teachers and friends, and what they’ve seen on the news to gain a better sense of their perspective. Allow them to talk and encourage them to ask questions.


Most children have a natural resilience, even in the face of tragedy. Most will do


well with a little additional support and will not need professional help. However, occasionally children have a prolonged or more intense response to events like this and will need to have counseling to help them process and cope with their fear. Some signs that your child may need this kind of assistance are: becoming more clingy with parents, expressing fear that a loved one will be hurt or die, sleeping too much or waking many times a night, not wanting to engage in activities they used to find enjoyable and overly fearful talk about their own safety. If a child has these symptoms and they persist for weeks, even when other children seem to be moving on, then it’s time to seek counseling. Look for a counselor who uses cognitive behavioral therapy to treat childhood anxiety issues, as this has been shown to be the very best type of psychotherapy for these kinds of issues.


I’ve been separated from my children’s father for more than two years. I have been seeing someone for four months, but I don’t know if it is too soon to introduce him to my 5- and 8-year-old. When should I allow my boyfriend to meet my kids?


Te question of when to introduce a boyfriend/girlfriend to their children is asked


by most divorced parents. Tere are no hard and fast rules with regard to the question of “when;” however, there are some tips for “how.” Te answer depends on a number of factors, including how well the children are adjusting to their parents’ separation and whether there have been any acute stressors recently. If your children are having a tough time (showing signs of stress, being overly clingy, struggling with behavioral issues at school or home), wait and give attention to these issues first before introducing another potential stressor into their lives.


Once you’ve decided that you are going to have your children meet your boyfriend,


Please send your questions for Dr. Repper to: family@heritagepublishinginc.com Please mark for Dr. Repper.


keep the introduction “low key.” Introduce him as your “friend” and have him come over for a short initial visit at your home, maybe for pizza or dessert. Tis will keep the pressure low, and having it at home will ensure that the children feel comfortable. In the initial phases, it may be best to avoid physical affection with your boyfriend in front of the children. Take it slow; gradually increase time and complexity of the visits and use the children’s comfort to guide the pace. Keep your expectations minimal and allow your children to develop comfort over time. Expect to see some difficult behaviors as your children try to figure out what this new relationship means for their family. Children’s No. 1 concern is their own safety and security. Be sure to tend to these needs by verbally reassuring them, being physically affectionate and planning fun, child-centered activities with just them.


If things are not going well with the introduction, especially if you envision the


relationship becoming permanent, find a professional family counselor who can help you navigate the situation.


HERITAGE PUBLISHING, INC. © 2013 Family! | 23


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