The loner: lack of ability to connect with people can


be isolating no matter how much money you have The thing is, Jim was a miserable kind of guy. He kept his head down in groups, held his counsel and said little, but when he spoke it was with prime ministerial certainty that brooked no argument. It was, frankly, very tiresome and turned people off.


Mary Wilson


e was tremendously success- ful, wealthy beyond the ex- pectations of most. He had a beautiful home, a couple of top-of-the- line cars, a faithful wife and two well- adjusted kids. He had his own success- ful company and people who jumped to his every nuanced look. What else could a guy of 54 ask for?


H A lot it seemed, because Jim Per-


kins was not a happy man. There was a gnawing in his gut, a feeling that some- thing just wasn’t right. It was like when he was a kid and he had such a feeling of wanting: he wanted a bike. He wanted new skates. He wanted that leather jack- et his folks couldn’t afford. It was that kind of feeling. Yet now that he had all this money, what could he possibly need? Or want? He and Helen travelled whenever the mood hit (not so often these days, he felt more comfortable at home). They went out for dinner, bought all the latest gadgets, dressed to kill. But the gnawing was still there. Always on the outside


If he had been the self-analytical type,


Jim might have figured it out. He felt that he lacked status. Although he was known for his money, he was not a pop- ular man. He was never on the who’s who list or asked to the swanky par- ties unless there was a hefty cheque in- volved. Nobody greeted him or Helen with warm smiles and open arms when they walked into a room. Usually, he was left to his own company unless he approached people first. This rankled. Way down deep, it hurt. He had held all sorts of key positions in the com- munity, buying his way in if he wasn’t asked but these jobs never amounted to anything lasting or tangible in terms of getting him the accolades he felt should be his.


He did not have a wide circle of per- sonal friends. He and Helen were never asked to dinner, although they often asked others. They were never included


Nearly everyone was inferior to him, Jim thought—and those interiors left him to his own devices.


in the little special events he felt were his due at this time in his life. The thing is, Jim was a miserable kind of guy. He kept his head down in groups, held his counsel and said little, but when he spoke it was with prime ministerial certainty that brooked no ar- gument. It was, frankly, very tiresome and turned people off. But Jim didn’t see it that way. In his mind, he was thoughtful, a careful thinker, a voice of reason and calm when all others were clearly flighty and said ill-considered things. When Jim spoke, he had taken the time to come to a well-thought-out conclusion; ergo, he was right and they were wrong. And Jim liked to speak. He craved the centre of attention with all eyes on him, all ears listening to his droning voice.


Poor Jim. All the money in the world


could not buy him the respect and re- gard he craved. He was so self-absorbed that he couldn’t see the need to give others their due or accept that being right was not the only consideration in a give-and-take relationship. Speak- ing roughly to colleagues who were working in a volunteer capacity under his leadership was a guaranteed way to chase the very folks he hoped to impress running from his presence. It's a sad situation


Yet, Jim could be charming, when he forgot to be important. The sad thing is that his beautiful smile came out so seldom and when it did, it never stayed out very long.


There is very little that can be done for Jim. He needs to learn to relax and


just enjoy and respect the people around him. He doesn’t realize that respect breeds respect, that in order to be liked, you had to show like. Given Jim’s lack of introspection, his inability to budge from a slowly evolved but rock-steady position, his inconsiderate way of deal- ing with those he felt inferior to him (nearly everyone), there is little hope that his wishes will be fulfilled. Meanwhile, the gnawing will keep eating away at his stomach. He will keep looking for prestige with his cheque book, never understanding why it isn’t his.


On the plus side of the ledger, there


are a lot of charities that will benefit from his insecurity. On the minus side, Jim will never be happy and that’s a very sad thing.


8 www.lifestyles55.net


MAY 2013


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24