Z-Factor students were trying to stuff it into their pockets, probably wanted to save it up to use in their acts. Once responsible owners let their mini-elephants off the lead to roll around - drunk on the scent, the sub-prime entertainment freaks were frozen to their soapboxes looking like statues of Buddha or Cruise, loveable paedophiles returning from council-sponsored winter breaks at the BBC camps were making snowballs to force feed to their Arab children, flash mobs of web developers turned up, trying to unravel the hexagonal snow code, the capital had gone mad. Then the announcement we‟d been dreading…
A Euro-chinapean directive from our underwater headquarters in The Hague was rushed out. The giant health & safety monitors scattered all over the city suddenly sprang to life telling us that precipitation theft was not only dangerous to our organic circuitry but also invalidated our guarantees. Those feckin‟ tropical actuaries! As a result this crime against the state was now punishable by forfeit of broadband rights – bloody hell, those bureaucrats just got worse.
I had to get back to my subterranean nest to tell Sharon. She‟d need unplugging soon unless Blair, the Tesco repair man, had felt sorry for her missing out and took her above ground for a peep too. Hope he sorted out the suction valves on her new vagina while he was there mind you. If only her incept day had been a Monday she would have been hovering through the Bay with me on this glorious day too. Well, they do say mixed marriages never work.
But it wasn‟t all fun and games of course. People were beginning to come down with tofu-flu now as the sun crept higher then burst from behind the grey clouds and started melting the snow. This sudden warming caused vast clouds of condensation to head straight for peoples‟ underdeveloped lungs. Best get into the shaft and back down to normality.
I couldn‟t wait to show all my new wives the mp8s I recorded, should keep us going until our next drug change. Wow, what a day! Who said Japanese super-fusion power was a bad thing? If it hadn‟t affected the weather patterns like that no-one would ever have seen snow. Now where did I park my invisible-car?
DAVE LEWIS
26
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44