Global Warning Cardiff Bay. Noon. Monday.
The city had come to a standstill. People were dancing in the streets. The bobbing boats in the harbour were silent, buried under a blanket of snow. Council storm troopers unchained their iPad prisoners to allow them to look out the window. The whole metropolis stared open-mouthed at the heavens as if expecting another mushroom cloud to appear like it did last year when they finally pulled the plug on Italy. But this was no ordinary day.
Suddenly, fights started to break out as the Tuesday people burst out of the holding pens and into the recycled air. But most Mondayers didn‟t care. If they died now they‟d die happy. Most of us couldn‟t afford the government subsided Antarctic pilgrimage even once in our lives so this was like the gods of air-con had smiled up on us and made some extra ice, like they did eight Googlemases ago.
The scene was outrageous, like Glastonbury or some other long forgotten religious festival. The stuff was everywhere. A billion snowflakes floated down through the bright blue sky. Thick layers of freezing white snow were forming all over town. Drifts, ten feet deep, were piling up faster than pensioners at the equator. The population of Leisureland were experiencing a miracle. This probably wouldn‟t happen again until men got the vote.
Scanning my ancestors‟ facebook snapshots on my outdated iPhone I brought up some 2GB low-res pictures of what it used to be like, years ago, in 2030. Colourful 4D movies of blizzards and hurricanes were sent wireless into my cerebral cortex. I could smell the same smell all around me. This snow was real!
A refugee from the Maldives came up to me and asked if I‟d take a photograph of her. I f-mailed it without even a hint of Photoshop CS67 but she forgave me, probably assumed I‟d forgotten to take my serotonin this month. Meanwhile, other people were starting to strip off their paper suits and spontaneously began kissing each other in Lord Cowell Square.
When the temperature dropped below 30oC the sudden cold quickly killed many of the cities consumers but nobody seemed to notice, much less care. More oxygen for the rest of us. The Afro-Anzacs were the first to succumb seeing as they were less Darwined to this sudden homeostatic blip but the Danish and Icelandic pleasure models just seemed to become more attractive. They always did after a few ice cubes though.
But after a midihour or so the terra firma police arrived and started to shovel up the snow. Putting it into clear storage bags tied up with red fibre optic tape. I bet they‟d use that up on a sub-committee jolly - the bastards!
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