I decided that the one positive thing I could do was to get rid of all the extraneous hair around my jowls.


My huge, paw-like hands fumbled with the razor. I dropped it and bent to pick it up, knocking against the landlady's precious collection of coloured bath salts in their glass jars. Two dropped to the floor and smashed.


The tiny coloured beads sped in all directions across the bathroom floor. I cursed to myself and proceeded to trample them underfoot as I struggled to retrieve my razor.


Suddenly I seemed to have twice as many feet as I used to have. How odd, I thought, and began to chase my tail, which deliberately annoyed me by staying just out of reach.


After a few minutes of fruitless circling, the landlady's voice wormed its way through the keyhole. "Mr Barker! Mr Barker, are you alright?" The knocking continued. "Let me in. Mr Barker! Let me in at once!"


I reached up to undo the bolt with my awkward, heavy paws. "Alright, alright...just wait a moment."


The landlady sounded shrill and confused. "Mr Barker, what's that noise? Have you got an animal in there?!" The door began to open.


I growled to myself, squatted down on my haunches and bared my teeth ready. Mark Howard Jones


34


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