Bestiary Pig
It certainly looked like a pig, standing with its one flank to the wall, as we approached the farmyard on foot. Two suspicious men in dirty overalls came out of one of the farm buildings to meet us.
I showed them our official papers and they seemed unimpressed. They looked at me and my colleague with suspicion. The farm dog came out to sniff around me but didn't seem to want to make friends either.
The men stood watching me. I smiled, inviting an explanation, until one of them jabbed a thumb in the pig's direction.
"It just appeared last night," said the first of them. "But there's something strange about it, I'm sure." The pig snuffled and grunted, as if to agree. "Its eyes don't seem like a pig. Somehow."
I nodded. "And you're sure it's not one of your pigs?" I asked him.
"We don't keep pigs. We farm cereals, mainly," he said, as if I was a simpleton. I nodded. A schoolboy error on my part: unforgiveable, given my rank and title.
"Yes. Yes. I see." I desperately tried to cover my error, then covered my head against the rain that had started to fall. I turned to my colleague and mustered as much authority as I could. "I think we should do some tests then, don't you?"
He nodded and went back to our vehicle to get his kit.
I went over to the pig. It didn't seem spooked at all. My colleague joined me and we knelt beside it. The pig still seemed unconcerned.
"Its eyes, they said. Well, let's take a look," I said as I tried to peer into its face. "Hmmm. It's no species that I know."
Then the pig looked straight up at me and spoke. "What, don't tell me you don't recognise your own brother after all these years, you swine?"
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