THE WEIRS TIMES & THE COCHECO TIMES, Thursday, May 17, 2012 A brendan@weirs.com inNEW HAMP SHI R E FOOL * Live Free *A FLATLANDER’S OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE NOT SHY ABOUT WRITING THIS


by Brendan Smith Weirs Times Editor


Not everything that can


change our lives as we know it, makes it onto the evening news. The Americans With


Disabilities Act, which was originally formed to help people with actual disabilities get a fair deal in the real world, has been the brunt of a lot of criti- cism over the years as a whole slew of minor and temporary ailments have made it onto its list. This week, a new one is under consideration. Shy Bladder Syndrome. This is the dreaded dis-


ease where a person can’t pee when there is an- other person in the bath- room. Otherwise known as “Timid Tinklers” people with Shy Bladder Syn- drome may soon be able to require their employer to provide, if one doesn’t already exist, a private bathroom for them to do their business. It would be an enormous cost, once again, to businesses. Seriously. I’m sure you will be hear-


ing more about this story in the future as those with this life-altering syndrome will soon be coming for- ward now that they know they are not alone. Perhaps, as the merits


of this actually being al- lowed to be considered a real disability are being argued, thousands of Shy Bladder sufferers will take to the streets in protest. These folks will gather, along with the security of thousands of Porta Pot- ties, in cities across the nation and will make their voices heard. I can see the news feed


on MSNBC now, no wait, make that ABC, no one ac- tually watches MSNBC. “We are here with John Doe, who has silently suf-


MEREDITH, NH 279-7463 • WOLFEBORO 569-3560 NORTH CONWAY, NH 356-7818 • LACONIA, NH 524-1276


fered with SBS for years. He has stood quietly in his work restroom, surround- ed by others who urinated freely, while he struggled, waiting for others to leave so he could just have a normal life. Did he com- plain? No. Did he demand a better life? No. He merely carried on, in agony, day after day unable to per- form this simple process that so many of us take for granted. Now, he only wants what is due to him. His own bathroom. Yet, the heads of businesses and corporations, the mil- lionaires and billionaires who buy their yachts and mansions based on the hard work of John, are fighting against having to spend mere millions to build new bathrooms to accommodate the poor working man; Just an- other example of the wide chasm of class in our so-


ciety.” Eventually, the issue


will make its way into the Executive Branch of our government. President Obama, who will embrace it as yet another great diversion to keep people’s minds off his otherwise lousy job, will have us on pins and needles as he contemplates, like So- crates, whether or not to support those suffering with SBS. “After much consider- ation, and looking at the list of those who might possibly vote for me in November, many of them being sufferers of SBS, I have decided, that is an awful disease.” Then the camera will,


on cue, close-up on the Prez. “We were having a fam-


ily dinner last night, when I suddenly got the urge to urinate. As I stood up, my


daughter said, ‘Daddy, just think how awful it must be for people who can’t just go, people who have to wait until the coast is clear.’ I sat back down, gathered my fam- ily around me and we all hugged. I made my decision right then and there.” Now, that SBS is out of


the water closet, I’m sure that it will get the atten- tion it’s due. Maybe George Clooney


can hold a telethon. I’m sure there will be fund- raising “Walk For A Cure” on nice weekends. I won- der what color their rib- bon will be, yellow just seems too obvious.


I suppose I’m fortunate


to not have SBS, but I do suffer from Tall Guy Syn- drome, This is where I go into a public restroom and the urinal is so close to the floor that it comes up to maybe my ankles. This is never pleasant and can be embarrassing. I know that there are


others like me who are afraid to raise their voices, maybe the SBS thing can be our springboard to fairer facilities.


One can only hope. Brendan Smith wel-


comes your comments at brendan@weirs.com.


or Die.


5


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