HEALTH & WELLBEING Relationships Introduction by Simon Pellew, ‘Time for Families’ Chief Executive R
elationships for people in the Armed Forces are under immense strain, especially during and after
a deployment. Couples may hope for a wonderful reunion, but it can go badly wrong. Life has moved on for both the person away and the person at home: children have grown, power has shifted and both people may have been changed through their experiences.
It’s strange that in our culture relationships seem to be a woman’s ‘thing’. We know they are important, we want them to work and it can be intensely upsetting when our relationship runs into trouble, but it feels really difficult to do anything about it.
Admitting that things could be better might trigger an even worse situation. But a relationship can be improved (even a good one) without hitting a crisis. The Time for Families course makes relationships stronger and gives couples the tools they need to handle the inevitable problems and find solutions. Two of the big argument starters are over children and money: on the course we help couples agree how they can work together as a team to sort out the difficulties.
The RAF is supporting this approach because they are worried that unhappy personnel will not perform well, need compassionate leave and may leave the Service. But, for Time for Families, the real motivation is to see happier, stronger couples.
The three day course specifically to help Armed Forces personnel and their partners has
and my husband but it has pulled us together. We realised where we were going wrong and are putting it right. I have learned a lot about us and that as parents we approach things completely differently. Money is a touchy subject but very helpfully the course has taught us that we can work together even though we have such different attitudes to it. I am sorry the course had to end”.
already run two very successful courses at RAF Honington and a third is planned for May.
Padre Melanie Reed of the Chaplaincy Team at Honington said, “I was delighted to be involved with the planning, promoting, facilitating and hosting of ‘Building Stronger Families’. The course is totally free to participants, is three days spread over three weeks and has lunch and crèche provided. My colleague, Padre Simon Chapman, and I have just seen the completion of the second course, and have been impressed with both the quality of the course material and the willingness of all those who have completed the course to engage with it.
“The course includes useful and practical information on communication, parenting and financial issues and has had a remarkable impact on those who have attended. All feedback has been positive and for some couples their experience on the course has been life changing. I have witnessed first-hand the importance of this course for all couples but am particularly impressed with how it equips families to deal with the pressures and increasing demands of modern military life.
“It has been extremely humbling to have been a part of this initiative and we now look forward to a third course and to seeing the smiles on the faces of couples as they discover a renewed joy and confidence in family life”.
Kim and Neil, have been married for four years and have two children. Kim said, “I heard about the course from a friend who went on the first one and said how good it was. I actually thought it would break me
30 Envoy Spring 2012
Another couple said they had met, married had had two children very quickly and now it was all proving rather difficult but they too are now finding their way. Also, there were two couples who admitted that the course was their last effort at staying together. They had been through marriage counselling which hadn’t helped and they thought that it was the end. In both cases the time on the course has shown them a way through.
Lynden Askew, who with Simon, delivered the course said: “I have seen people struggling and then to see their courage in working it through and succeeding is why I do this work.”
Padre Melanie said: “I saw a lot of fear and questions, ‘Am I going to be ashamed?’ To see people at the start of the course come in quite timid and then to open up and be honest enough to admit their differences is so encouraging. It’s that realisation that sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is not a train coming the other way”.
Simon said: “It is exciting to see hope come into a relationship.”
For one exercise the ladies and guys were split out and asked to come up with a list of the elements needed to keep a couple together forever. The men listed: Trust, commitment, understanding, truthfulness, physical contact and intimacy, respect, sacrifice, mutual support, companionship, planning the future, shared experiences, fun, happiness, protection and security, teamwork and motivation…
What would your list say?
The next course to run at RAF Honington will be on 2nd, 9th and 16th May. If you are interested in attending or would like to find out more please ring: the Chaplaincy Centre at Honington 01359 236115/95991 6115.
www.raf-ff.org.uk
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