Anne Lumley
MOSTCAREGIVERS ARE ACCUSTOMEDTO THE daily challenges that come with taking care of those with disabilities, but the holiday season brings with it a more complicated season that can be a challenge to navigate without some creativity. This time of year places more demands on our time with family gatherings, shopping, and holiday parties. Without some deliberate strategies to combat the added pressures it can be overwhelming. As the parent of a special needs child, I know firsthand the difficulties that daily life brings – the holidays really make it interesting!
This is the time of year to step back and take a moment to realize that the holidays don’t have to be more stressful! I know that thinking of ourselves as people who need attention feels foreign, but it’s necessary to survive the holidays and will be a positive impact on the people we care about most.
First and foremost, don’t aim for perfection! Be confident that you’re doing a wonderful job of juggling all of the myriad responsibilities that come with being a good caregiver. It’s ok to turn off the guilt-meter and say “no” sometimes. Don’t expect yourself to be everything to everyone all the time. Be flexible and don’t be afraid to adjust your expectations and abilities to fit a situation. Permit yourself the luxury of imperfection.
Find a way to de-stress. That’s right… You need to take time for you. Again, I know it’s a foreign concept, but if there’s ever a time to give yourself a break, now is that time. Find an inexpensive Yoga classes at your local YMCA or head to your local bookstore and camp out and read. Even if you do nothing more than take 30 minutes at the end of the day and spend it in a bubble bath in absolute silence, you must deliberately carve out some time to re-charge your batteries.
Ask trusted family or friends for respite care. Respite care is one of the most important tools a caregiver should utilize to continue providing an exceptional level of care to those who need them. As a caregiver, it used to be one of the most difficult things for me to ask for as it invariably made me feel like I was letting someone down. However, I’ve felt firsthand the incredible benefits that come with allowing myself to accept help and how fundamentally it improved by caregiving abilities.
Delegate! You’re in charge because you know what you’re doing and you do it well. Now is the time of year to really test your supervisory skills and learn to delegate! Make a list of family, friends, social groups, even outside agencies that can help you manage the season. Sure, maybe things won’t be done exactly the way you would’ve done them – that’s ok. The important thing is that they will get done and you won’t be tearing your hair out any more than you already are.
Norman Rockwell doesn’t live here. Regardless of what the rest of the world defines as a traditional holiday, we have our own definition: to love and support and care for the people who need us most. It doesn’t matter that our traditions may be different or that we have to alter our worlds to accommodate the most precious people in our lives. What matters is that we have them and love them!
What’s “normal” for the rest of theworld isn’t normal for us. Those of us who are caring for loved ones with developmental disabilities know that the people in our lives are cherished, as are we. Remember to take care of yourselves!
www.teamdanielfoundation.org 7
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