through the mechanical motions of stopping for traffic signals, changing lanes, accelerating, slowing, thinking. . . .


As I considered the life I’d lived, really seeing myself for the first time, the evil that was in me seemed to swell larger and larger, until I feared I would burst with it. But why? Why had I been like that? Why had I never seen it until now? Was there any hope for me?


As the unanswerable questions swirled, I considered crashing my car into the fast-moving traffic to wipe out the awfulness of the past. But I was afraid. If I did that, maybe I would land in hell, stuck with my own awfulness for an unending forever.


Unexplainably, I found myself parking in front of a big bookstore I had frequented in the past. As I entered the store, my feet took me automatically down the aisle to the New Age section. Tere, a book with a blue jacket leaped out at me—Te Bible, the Supernatural, and the Jews by McCandlish Phillips. I reached for it, it fell open in my hands, and I began to read:


If you would not thrust your hand into a snake pit, you should not permit yourself to be drawn into an involvement with one or another form of occultism, even in a tentative and experimental way, without knowing that it is possible for you to step over a threshold and past a door that will slam shut behind you as soon as you stand on the far side of it—slam shut so tight that nothing you can do can ever get that door open again so that you can get back out.


Had the door already slammed shut on me because of my involvement with horoscopes, fortune-telling, and mind control? My heart was beating wildly as my eyes skipped through the pages a litle further. Tere I read something even more terrifying:


Te door that can never be opened again slams shut faster on a Jew than on a non-Jew.


Te author went on to say that this is true because every Jew, whether he knows it or not, is in a covenant relationship with God.


I felt beads of sweat popping out on my forehead. My throat was on fire. Te gooseflesh of fear enveloped my whole body. But I couldn’t put the book down. I shoved some money across the counter to the checkout clerk and dashed back to my car, the book tightly clenched under my arm. I wasn’t even aware of driving to the apartment, just of suddenly arriving there, slamming the door of the car, and dashing through the lobby and into my room, torn with warring desires. Part of me wanted to devour the book, to read every word; another part of me wanted to rip it to shreds, to set it on fire—anything to get rid of it!


Te page to which I opened named prominent Jews who had lost their lives because they had dabbled in the occult, opening the door to the supernatural through acid rock music, alcohol, marijuana, drugs, yoga, martial arts, meditation, channeling, séances, psychic healing, acupuncture, hypnotism, and mind expansion. Tere was Brian Epstein, manager of the Beatles. Brian, a multimillionaire at 30—he was a Jew. He had dabbled in the occult, and died of an overdose of drugs. I shuddered, thinking how close I had come to following in his footsteps exactly. But I didn’t want to die! I wasn’t ready to die!


Oh God, help me! Somebody, help me!


I had to get in touch with God! I had to tell Him how sorry I was. For everything.


But I didn’t know how to get in touch with God, and I didn’t know who could help me. My fortune-teller couldn’t help me. Te mind control people couldn’t


help me. Tey said there was no such thing as evil. My rabbi? He’d probably send me to a psychiatrist who would lock me up and throw the key away. My mother couldn’t help me. She didn’t know how to reach God, either.


Panic stricken, I rushed out and ran to a jewelry store in the neighborhood. Tere I bought a mezuzah and hung it around my neck.


Maybe that would show God that I belonged to Him. I telephoned Joy, my estranged wife.


“Pray for me,” I pleaded. “Pray like you’ve never prayed before! Pray to your God for me! Ask Him to help me. Please ask Him to help me. Ask Him to spare my life!” I let the phone fall from my hand, weeping in an agony of despair . . .


To read more of Sid’s shocking story, please visit this link online: www.jewishvoice.org/sidroth


Excerpt taken from Chapter 4: “From Death to Life” in Truth Seekers by Sid Roth and Mike Shreve. Copyright © 2011, Destiny Image Publishers, Inc. Used by permission.


Sid Roth has investigated the supernatural for more than 30 years. His television program It’s Supernatural! documents miracles and is viewed internationally. It’s Supernatural! deals with subjects that most shy away from.


Jewish Voice Today 13


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