healingways
Honest Relationships Daring to Tell the Truth
by Frances Lefkowitz S
mall lies are a big part of our lives. We tell them for convenience and comfort, to smooth things over
for others as much as for ourselves. “It’s all right with me,” we say, when it’s not. “I’ll call you,” we insist, when we won’t. Perhaps in the most perva- sive prevarication of all, we say we’re “fine,” when we aren’t.
“The most common lies are told to avoid conflict,” says psychotherapist and relationship coach Susan Camp- bell, Ph.D., author of such titles as Get- ting Real, Saying What’s Real and Truth in Dating. “People want harmony, but this compulsive quest gets in the way of true harmony.”
To admit the truth to oneself and then speak it can be difficult, even though the rewards far outweigh the risks. “The most important thing you can do for your personal growth is to be honest with yourself,” advises life coach and workshop leader Harriette Cole, author of Choosing Truth. Hon- esty, she explains, begins with the self
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and emanates outward. Once we face our own true feelings and beliefs, we can start to act on them, bringing our behavior, relationships and professional lives into alignment. She’s found that, “Truth is essential for healthy living.”
Truth and Consequences
Living truthfully is an avenue to self- healing, counsels Campbell. It’s a cru- cial tool to help people face old fears of rejection or abandonment and wounds they may have acquired in childhood. “Being honest helps you stop avoiding emotional pain, so you’re more able to be with what is,” she says. “Getting real is an inner practice for bringing you into the moment.” The result can be a clearing away of psychological clutter, greater freedom from fears and more clarity that leads to a stronger sense of well-being.
James W. Pennebaker, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the Univer- sity of Texas, in Austin, and author of Writing to Heal, is renowned for his on
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