THE AMATEUR PARKER …


New Year’s Resolutions for the Parking Industry


BY MELISSA BEAN STERZICK T year. I’mnotoneof those super-coolpeoplewho


reject the idea of New Year’s resolutions with a shrug and a smug “Oh, Imake goals all year. I’mso organized,motivated, psycholog- ically healthy and confident I don’t have tomake empty promises to be and achieve all I ever dreamed possible, blah, blah, blah ...” What’swrongwith an emptypromise, as long as you’vemade


it only to yourself? The idea of following up a gluttonousDecem- ber with a list of totally overstated intentions is great. It’s kind of like having cheesecakewith a carrot chaser. Who are we kidding? Even themanager at the gymyou just


joined knows half the people he signs up during the firstweeks of the new year will lose their resolve before their new shoes stop squeaking. Based on what I’ve just written, my New Year’s resolutions


should be obvious: gym, carrots, attitude adjustment,more car- rots.


And what about resolutions for people in the parking indus- try? Take themwith a grain of salt, but here are a fewsuggestions


Resolution 1: Clean up I have a power sprayer that would come in handy at several


parking structures I’ve been in recently. I’ve read thatwater is con- crete’s worst enemy, somaybe that’s not the best solution. But do something! For your customers’ sakes, get out andwipe those lay- ers of grime off your walls, signs and walkways.We can’t read those old lame signs if they’re covered with sludge.We don’t like sticking to the ground as we walk through your lot; petrified gum is not the new trend in industrial floor coverings.While you’re at it, get newsigns entirely.Andnewlights andmaybe newreflective vests.Go crazy.


Resolution 2: How about a little regulation? What I’dlike tosee is somethingmyAmerican upbringing has


conditioned me to expect with unabashed entitlement: regula- tion. Parking would be easier forme if the technology and condi- tions weremore predictable. Everywhere I go, themeters are dif-


26 JANUARY 2009 • PARKING TODAY • www.parkingtoday.com


HE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER, and my good will toward man, woman and child has beendimmedby officepar-


ties, mountains of gifts to wrap, heavy meals to prepare, andmajor traffic.


It’s a good thing Christmas comes only once


a year because as of Jan. 1, I don’t care if I ever see another twinkle light, jingle bell or cheese ball again. Itwill takeme threemonths to lose the weight I gained, andninemore to regainmy abil- ity to display good cheer at optimumlevels. Naturally, it’s time to talk about goals for this


ferent, the ticket machines are different, the garages are operated and maintained differ- ently, the terms are different, andmy comfort level is simultaneously supported and threat- ened.


Resolution 3: Make it illegal to leave your dog in a parked car. Dogs in parked cars are just one of my


many pet peeves, pun intended. I’m not a member of PETA or a dog lover of any kind. I happen to be part of the minority who think people arepeople andanimals are animals and that’s nonnegotiable. I’ve actually been told that not loving dogs means I must be a really bad person, and I think that’s just plain rude. I


don’t have a dogmyself, so the only dogs I interact with are the ones taking a potty break onmy lawn.And thatmakesmewant to get outmy power sprayer and giveCooper a good scare. (Maybe I should I add angermanagement tomy list of resolutions.) I’vemet dog owners who spend thousands onmedical care


for their dogs, buy them Prozac when they’re depressed, dress themin little fur-collared sweaters, and feed themsomuch they can hardly walk. They insist these animals are their babies.What I can’t figure is how they feel comfortable leaving their baby in the car while they shop at Costco. I’mnot totally heartless, so I feel a little concern for these poor canines on hot or cold days. But I feel more concern formyself. I’mthe innocent shopperwho nearly has a heart attack when thesemutts get bored and start lunging and growling at everyonewhowalks by.


Resolution 4: Destroy the evidence. I’mtalking to the valetwhoparkedmy car recently. I think you


drovemy car around because I found a Taco Bell receipt on the floor andmy radio was tuned to Latin rock at the highest volume possible. I can’t be 100 percent sure, but the evidence points to a joy ride. If integrity is not an option, next time cover your tracks and Iwill be blissfully unaware.


Resolution 5: Pat yourselves on the back. It’s a dog-eat-dogworld (not literally, but Iwish), and you are


doing a standup job. There’s always roomfor improvement, but your list of successes is probably a lot longer than your list of fail- ures.Congratulate yourself forbeingpartof an industry that helps make thewholeworld go ‘round.


HappyNewYear.


Melissa Bean Sterzick is PT’s amateur parker and proofreader. She can be reached at Melissa@parkingtoday.com.


PT


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