F e a t u r e s
Service Wives Suffer a ‘Double Whammy’
by Sue Jervis D
r Sue Jervis, a psycho- social researcher and herself the wife of a UK Serviceman, has used her personal
experiences and professional background as a psychodynamic counsellor to explore the emotional responses of British Servicemen’s wives to the repeated relocation that is inherent in their lifestyles. Here Sue gives an overview.
While acknowledging that the military lifestyle provides many positive experiences, the focus of my thesis is on the distinctive stresses associated with repeated relocation; exploring the psychological impact of various personal losses that Servicemen’s wives commonly sustain as a consequence of military mobility. In particular, I consider the loss of:
the continuity of a familiar environment; supportive relationships with families and friends; children left behind at boarding school; employment, or other valued roles, and the self-esteem associated with them.
I argue that although such losses are distressing, often arousing grief and undermining wives’ identities, this is rarely recognised within military communities where the existence of any painful feelings tends to be stoically denied. Moreover, since military communities are constantly undermined by change, especially mobility and deployment, they provide little emotionally meaningful support for relocated wives who must therefore cope with the psychological turbulence evoked in them virtually unaided.
Indeed, in order to fit in with the social norms that exist within military communities, Servicemen’s wives often dutifully identify with the military ethos of quietly ‘getting on with it’. I argue that this is especially so overseas, where wives are more likely
www.raf-ff.org.uk
to become incorporated into the military institution and to unwittingly collude with its traditional patriarchal treatment of them.
Unfortunately, wives’ paradoxical positioning vis-à-vis the military, which renders them (n)either members of the military (n)or entirely apart from it, means that they incur additional losses. To be perceived merely as the ‘wife of’ a Serviceman is to lose one’s autonomy as an independent, capable individual and also to lose the freedom to express one’s own emotions and opinions.
Thus, I argue, wives who relocate with Servicemen frequently incur a ‘double whammy’ of both personal losses and restrictions to their individuality, with potentially profound consequences. For the women themselves, losing important aspects of their lives, which contribute to their emotional equilibrium and on-going sense of self, is disturbing. Moreover, it demands a recovery period that takes time to work through.
Unfortunately, their simultaneous incorporation into the military institution can delay, even significantly disrupt, this process of adaptation. Wives’ subsequent dissatisfaction, unhappiness, or, in some cases, even depression, has implications for the military too, adversely influencing the efficiency and retention of married servicemen. It is therefore in the military’s interests to address wives’ concerns. However, in Britain at least, the unrecognised collusion that currently exists between the military and Servicemen’s wives means that the latter’s problems remain largely unexpressed and unaddressed.
I argue that the losses that Servicemen’s wives sustain because of military mobility, and the anxiety that they evoke, need to be better recognised and openly acknowledged. This would enable military communities to think, and talk, about the emotional disruption associated with repeated relocation, providing a means of ‘working through’ it and offering mutual support.
In addition, I recommend that the military considers ways of reducing the frequency of moves. Where relocation is unavoidable, I suggest that the military should help to reduce its emotional impact, and assist the subsequent adaptation process, by providing:
• More notice of, and choice about, impending moves
• Information about the housing and amenities available at the new location
• Information about job opportunities for spouses at the new location
• Employment assistance programmes, including opportunities for further education by distance learning, Open University courses, etc.
• Language lessons for those moving to non- English speaking countries
You can read more about Sue’s research, PhD thesis findings in her forthcoming book, ‘Relocation, Gender and Emotion: A Psycho- Social Perspective on the Experiences of Military Wives’ Published by Karnac 2010.
Winter 2009 7
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