“I wouldn’t wish to wrestle with something that possesses the body mass of Nicholas Soames (or wrestle in general, Lycra can be flattering but not on said Soames!)”


Nicky Haslam


T: 0207 730 0808 F: 0207 730 7059 And another thing....


Can there be any excuse for wire hangers? By Nicky Haslam


One has to admit that Joan Crawford was right when portrayed in ‘Mommy Dearest’ ‘What’s wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you: no wire hangers EVER....a three hundred dollar dress on a wire hanger’. Wire coat hangers were apparently invented in 1903 by a Albert J Parkhouse, though some historians suggest that President Thomas Jefferson also created a forerunner- I bet Thomas Jefferson never thought to see his invention being used as a replacement ariel on an old banger. Though functional, it is quite remarkable that the wire hanger has survived in the modern age as Dyson produces vacuum cleaners on ‘roller balls’ and fans with no blades and we explore for life on Mars, the wire hanger holds fast. Even those basic wooden


hangers are deemed posh while plastic ones beyond the pale and lord knows what hoteliers were thinking by using the god-awful versions found in wardrobes, whereby you wind up wrestling with your shirt and the bloody wardrobe. I wouldn’t wish to wrestle with something that possesses the body mass of Nicholas Soames (or wrestle in general, Lycra can be flattering but not on said Soames!) so why am I paying for the privilege in a hotel? Wire hangers are not only ugly to the eye they are also lethal to any shape your clothes may have, they hold clothes as effective as a clothes line in Hurricane Katrina and are as mean and inflexible as the ‘Bride of Wildenstein’s’ facelift. They are to clothes the Dr. Jekyll to Dr Hyde (ugly), the slim line tonic to gin (revolting) and Gordon Brown to Tony Blair (uninspiring). If you want to be like a Chav forget the Burberry and matching kids, have a wardrobe full of wire coat hangers, tells a lot about a person without them having to open their mouth.


Whilst on a rant why do dry cleaners insist on using multiple wire hangers and then attach them together with a rubber band? It is the dry cleaners Rubix cube in attempting to safely remove your laundry without ending up in hospital, fumbling with the collar button to remove it from the hanger yet unable to hang it up when you have a multitude of hangers grouped together. When ‘safely’ removed and the shirt can be put on you are then met with a sharp jab in your neck from the label you inadvertently missed whilst wrestling with the nemesis of storage, god forbid the laundry has placed their own laundry label on any item of clothing, it may be useful for their own records but rubbing yourself up and down like Baloo to relieve the itch is deemed unsuitable even in polite society. So what’s the solution? Check out www.ehow.co.uk/ wire-hangers this weird website demonstrates the endless pointless possibilities for a wire coat hanger, for example ‘a good old fashioned slingshot’, or hanging a picture. One thing for sure, give me a padded clothes hanger any day and don’t you point that bloody slingshot at me!


NH DESIGN ROAD


LONDON SW1X 0BP


243 – 247 PAVILION


BEAUCHAMPESTATES September


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