trol. This is why you can’t just make your- self relax. The parasympathetic nervous system is like the brakes in a car. The brakes engage to slow the system down when we perceive the threat is over, and to discharge any energy remaining from the flight or fight response. When not interfered with, discharges can include visceral, bodily reactions like trembling, deep breaths (breaths that “breathe us”, versus breaths that we voluntarily take), crying, shaking, etc. Any fight or flight responses or movements that were not completed may also need to be dis- charged.
Unfortunately for human beings,
we tend to be our own worst enemies on this score. Both as a culture and in- dividually, we tend to stifle bodily reac- tions as they are typically interpreted as signs of weakness or as being other- wise socially inappropriate. “Be a man”. “Control yourself”. “Don’t be a sissy”. “Don’t embarrass me”. “Don’t embar- rass yourself”. These are the kinds of spoken and unspoken admonitions that come to mind. We consider it admirable when someone doesn’t “fall apart” after a stressful event. Yet “falling apart” (viz. – releasing held tension) is exactly what our nervous systems need to do after be- ing activated in order to return to base- line resilience. We stop these reactions, or rush away to the next activity, not al- lowing enough time for our nervous sys- tems to catch up. What happens if over time, these
discharge reactions are repeatedly thwarted? They build up inside. And the nervous system becomes more and more tense – resulting in the “I can’t re- lax” experience (or if the tension builds too much, in “shut down”). How do you know if your “I can’t
relax” experience means you’re carrying around undischarged energy in response to past events? Well, activation that’s caused by events in the present– this week’s workload, today’s argument with your spouse, etc. will usually respond to the application of basic stress reduction and relaxation techniques. A day off, a warm bath, a relaxation CD, meditation, exercise, or pleasant social contact, will all encourage and permit a resilient ner- vous system to discharge held activation and be restored to its natural resilience. When these things don’t work, or work
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