She Said by Brooke Herron He Said by Judson White
& his gang of Neanderthals
It's almost the New Year, and other than celebratory drinking I made a resolution fifteen years ago that I have kept every
and the subsequent hangover, that means one thing: Resolutions. year. I made a resolution that I would never make one again! If I
To make it easier on the less fair sex, I've compiled a handy list of want to do something, I have to do it when I know that I'm ready.
resolutions for men. If these apply to you, please take note. I don't need to tell myself that, "It's a new year and therefore a
new beginning." That's just ridiculous. Most of the time people say
1. Go to the gym. While it's impressive that you can balance something like, "I'm quitting smoking at the beginning of this year!"
a bowl of cereal and eat off your beer gut, it's not sexy. Put down The sad truth is that most people slam a shot as the ball drops,
the Bud, and hit the gym. grab their significant other,
2. Please eat healthier. I enjoy pizza and other fattening plant a wet sloppy one, and
foods as much as the next woman - or man, in this case - but light up another pack to
New Years
please, please try to eat healthier. Not only are you getting fatter, bring in the new year. Old
but you're taking me down with you! Before you lament that I have habits are hard to break, and
no self control, YOU try eating a salad while I'm inhaling hot wings the New Year doesn't make
Resolutions...
and a cheeseburger. Yeah, right. it any easier, it only guaran-
3. Slow down problem-solver. Communication is vital, tees that taxes are due soon
especially when women are (and my birthday is two weeks away, hint, hint readers).
upset. We like to vent and All of my guy friends really seem to care about only one
many of those times we resolution for you ladies. Hit the gym! As much as you possibly
aren't looking for a solution - can! Sure, there are other things that would matter in a more
at least not yet. We're look- defined relationship, but we get sick and tired of the loaded
ing for you to agree with us, questions and the complaints about your weight. You can call it
to empathize with us and, if venting, but no matter how you look at it, we are problem
possible, to make us laugh. solvers. The more we hear you complain about your weight, the
Note: this only applies when more we can't understand why you don't do something about it.
YOU aren't the reason we're More importantly, a lot of us are also shallow and chauvinistic,
upset. In that case, you bet- but that's why we're men.
ter have some good solutions We can't disagree about eating healthier, the fashion sense,
prepared. or the need to tell you that we love you more. We all need to
4. Fashion rules do apply. We make an effort for you; eat better so that we can prolong our lives and be there for our
please make an effort for us. Repeat after me: If it's on the floor in children and grandchildren. But when you yell at us for spending
a pile, it's dirty. Move on. On the other hand - if your skin is too much on electronics or playing video games… "Hello kettle, this
tanned an ungodly shade of orange, your collar is popped and you is pot calling!" How many shoes do you really need? Or maybe
wear more makeup than a streetwalker - just stop. Nobody thinks you could try logging less hours on Facebook!
that this is a good look. Many ladies sure seem to want to change all that makes us
5. Save money. Please stop overspending on unnecessary men. We are men. We have been since the beginning of time.
items. If you're going to buy a $400 video game system, you better It's our animalistic instinct to look at a woman with a low cut shirt,
not say one word when our hair salon bill is $150. so tell your friend to stop dressing so provocatively! Don't expect
6. Step away from the video games. World of Warcraft us to stop the tests of manliness. We like fast cars. As far as the
can wait. Seriously. barn goes, my friend Aaron was actually born in a barn, and was
7. Say "I love you" more. We never get sick of hearing this highly offended by that comment.
and we always want to hear it more. Going hand in hand with this,
give us compliments. Bring us flowers. Small gestures that show
your love will always be appreciated.
8. Stop checking out other women in front of your
girlfriend /wife. Do not do this. EVER.
9. You did not grow up in a barn. Put down the toilet seat.
When shaving, wipe the hair from the sink. Pick up your laundry.
Do not hide dirty dishes under the bed. Let's clean it up, boys.
Thank you.
10. Stop with the tests of manliness. Okay, tough guy, we
get it - you're awesome, strong, fast, smart, etc., etc. Getting in
Betty Ann Mighell
fights, not asking for directions, and drag racing will not get you Certified Eyelash Extention Expert
anywhere - at least not in my book. This only shows women that
The French Quarter
you're insecure and overcompensating - and, honey, we would much
501 Goodlette Rd. N Suite B-104
prefer confidence.
239.263.5434
www.studio37xtremelashesandhair.com
bam0309@gmail.com
~ Here's to a great 2010, cheers! ~
PULSE MAGAZINE ---------- 67
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