Ask LAURIE
Advice
Column
Photography by:
Robert Hayman
Styling: Hair Design
by Avant Garde
Fashion:
Petunias of Naples
Dear Laurie, My husband accepted a request to fill a specialized job
within a National Guard unit that will be deploying to Afghanistan for nine
months. Although I am proud of his service, I can't help but feel angry
that he is putting himself in harm's way and jeopardizing our family unit.
We have a two year old son and the responsibility of taking care of him
alone feels overwhelming. I say that he is selfish for leaving me in this
situation by choice, and he feels that I am selfish for wanting to keep him
home when our country needs him. I'm afraid that if we can't reconcile
our differences before he leaves, he's not going to miss me very much!
- Star Spangled Mess
Dear Star Spangled Hero,
I'm so sorry for the emotional situation that you are struggling with right
now. This must be unsettling for your husband too and not an easy decision!
His pending deployment is placing both of you in an unknown territory, which
can be scary! I invite you to be open to a new way of processing this new
reality - one that keeps you in a space of faith and trust, and out of fear,
worries and blame. Being open to accept his decision, hard as it may be,
will make the next nine months easier on both of you.
Accepting the current situation doesn’t mean that you have to like it, but
it means that you are not fighting it. You consciously make the decision to
embrace "what is". This frees your energy to be productive and focus on
what you need to do, which is caring for your young son. Try to focus on the
values your husband must have in order for him to leave his life for nine
months and help his country. Your husband is a hero and YOU are the hero
at home! He is sacrificing for something bigger than himself. That is very
honorable! This thought process will redirect the energy from anger to appre-
ciating your husband's heart.
Tap into your local community resources. You may consider networking
with other families in your situation and supporting each other. One helpful
resource is The National Association of Psychologists, they have information
on "Parents Called to Active Duty: Helping Children Cope". A couple of help-
ful books include: The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military and Heroes
at Home: Help & Hope for America's Military Families. There are many more.
Ask the divine, "Please give me the inner strength and courage to raise
my son. Help me to draw more from resources of support. I graciously
accept your loving help. Please protect my husband overseas." If you begin
to get anxious, take deep breaths and breathe in unconditional love from
above. Remind yourself that you are not alone, stay in the present moment,
and trust that you can do this! Focus on cherishing this time alone with your
son. Your inner strength will build and last a life time! Hold the vision and
feeling of your husband coming home and your family reunited.
You are welcome to attend my Inner Wisdom gatherings every Thursday
evening. These gatherings help us to release our limiting thoughts, calm
the busy mind, create empowering beliefs, and learn to trust our intuition.
LaurieM@SmileAcrossYourHeart.com
Laurie Martin is the author of Smile Across Your Heart,
The Process of Building Self-Love, and is a certified
life coach, speaker, workshop facilitator and yoga teacher.
Please visit her site: www.SmileAcrossYourHeart, (239) 398-5979.
Email Questions to pulsenaples@gmail.com
PULSE MAGAZINE ---------- 66
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