Life & Trends
Yes We Can . . .
Choose Our Mood
COMMENTARY
D
EPRESSED? about the time the surgeries were over. I thought that
While it is a fact that some people struggle was very interesting.
with the psychiatric disorder of clinical “I wonder what you wanted to get from him at the
depression, it is also true that many others actually have time you told him.”
a conscious choice for their moods. She didn’t answer.
That may surprise, or even anger, many of you. You “Was his sympathy for the ankle surgeries wearing
may imagine that you have absolutely no off? Were you wanting sympathy?”
control over how you feel, and don’t want to “Yes,” she said quietly.
be blamed for your state of mind. For this caller, keeping the bag of bad memories and
For those of you so struck, consider this experiences around her neck was her way of ensuring
a good-news, bad-news message. The good sympathy, caretaking, and her version of love. It was as
news is that you actually have the power to though her historical pains were small treats to keep
shift your thoughts and mood from negative people around her and caring for her.
to positive. Clearly, she didn’t believe she could get that caring
The bad news is that it will turn your without maintaining the pain.
world inside out as your identity and I often ask people in similar situations to think of
5 MINUTES WITH
relationships will be forever changed. the horrible memory and let the feeling wash over
DOCTOR
But, thankfully, there’s more good news. them. You can feel their agitation. I follow that up by
Ultimately, after a diffi cult transition, your suggesting that they now slip into visualizing something
LAURA
world will be a more pleasant one to live in. current that is wonderful, warm, safe, loving, fun.
I recently had a caller who came on the You can feel their elevated mood. I have them go back
By Dr. Laura air primed to paint her own portrait for me and forth several times to reassure themselves that they
Schlessinger in just a few phrases: she was molested as do have the power to create any mood at any moment.
a child, she had an alcoholic stepfather, and The problem then becomes one of giving up the perks
she’d endured a number of surgeries on her ankles. She of feeling bad: the attention, concern, support, caring,
listed all these with a halting voice, and and forgiveness for not
choked back tears. being responsible.
“Do you think,” she asked me, “that This is defi nitely the
all or some of these could be the reason part of the transition
I’m depressed?” Without answering, I that is the most diffi cult.
asked her if she was married. “Yes, to a Telling somebody that
wonderful and patient man,” she replied. people will love them
I then followed with a question about for who they are doesn’t
whether she had any children. work because they don’t
“Yes,” she said, “Two wonderful,
MIGHTY MIND No one but you controls your
think they are worth
thoughts. The choice is entirely yours.
beautiful children.” I asked her if love. However, telling
she could walk. “Yes, I’m lucky in that. Although the somebody that people will love them for the love they
constant pain of these surgeries has been awful.” give does work — but only when they are able to come
My next questions were, “Did your house blow away out of their own fears and open their hearts to the needs
in a hurricane? Do you have cancer? Are any of your and feelings of others.
children suffering a fatal illness?” The answers to all of I wrote Bad Childhood — Good Life: How to Blossom
these questions was, “No.” and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood to help
/ISTOCKPHOTO
“Oh,” I said. people make this diffi cult transition. It’s more powerful CES
A
She then went on to tell me that she hadn’t told her to work with intimates while making these healthy
husband about sex play with her older sister until just changes, as your change requires them to change too. SMILEY F
66 NEWSMAX MAXLIFE / JANUARY 2009
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