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ties discussed in the business world: forgiveness and the love of enemies. Neither is possible without tre-
mendous emotional intelligence. For example, both forgiveness and love of enemies require great empathy, great control of one’s emotions, and even a degree of fearlessness. River City’s Church of All Saints
is not unlike many congregations in the ELCA and other denomi- nations. Emotionally intelligent leaders are key to healthy, vibrant congregations. Emotional intelligence off ers
churches an understanding of why those skills are so important, and concrete steps to nurture emo- tionally intelligent pastors and members. But becoming emotionally intel-
ligent leaders doesn’t just happen. It isn’t the result of merely being nice and side-stepping serious issues. Emotionally intelligent congrega-
tions make sure they call emotion- ally intelligent pastors. T ese are pastors who have the ability to gain resonance with all members, not just some. T ey have the capacity to fi nd some way of connecting at a deep level with each member. For congregations to grow
spiritually, pastors may also need to challenge members to grow up spiritually. It takes great emotional intelligence skills to be able to speak a prophetic word while not losing the trust of parishioners. Synods need to pay attention to
the emotional intelligence assets and defi cits of candidates in the call process. T ere are instruments that provide useful assessments of these skills. Although doing this may represent a signifi cant investment of time and money, the potential for having candidates able to lead fl ourishing congregations increases. And the time bishops spend dealing
with congregational confl ict, or those that are lifeless and without direction, diminishes. Candidates with defi cits can be
helped to gain the skills they need because emotional intelligence is not fi xed.
What message do you send? In the 1960s, philosopher Marshall McLuhan coined the phrase “the medium is the message.” How a congregation functions may be the most powerful message it com- municates to members and visitors. When strangers visit a congrega- tion for the fi rst time, one of the most important things they look for is the way members relate to one another. T ey will also look to see if pastor/parish relationships within the congregation are strong and lively. Members in such congrega-
tions cherish relationships with one another and look forward to ways those relationships can become deeper and more fulfi lling. A key to a vital congregation is people committed to becoming more eff ec- tive disciples of Jesus, modeling his passion for healing, his reconciling work and his concern for the way people relate to each other. For example, group leaders need
to participate in team building before engaging in presentations or
decisions, thereby raising the trust level within the group. When trust levels are high, mem-
bers fi ght hard for their ideas. T is makes for stimulating and creative interchanges, but leaders are able to manage the confl ict that ensues, leading the group to quality deci- sions and rich growth opportunities. Members return home from such church meetings with deep satisfac- tion, feeling they are engaged in important mission opportunities and their motivation to implement those decisions is high. Being part of such a community of faith is both fun and spiritually fulfi lling. T e primary place where we
learn emotional intelligence skills is in our family of origin. When that system fails to teach us those skills, we need to fi nd other communi- ties where emotional intelligence is abundant, such as within congrega- tions where healthy interpersonal interchange is the norm. Congregations may contribute
to teaching emotional intelligence to a world in great need for such support. River City’s Church of All Saints will become a real asset to its community when it becomes intentional about functioning with emotional intelligence, which in turn will enable a powerful witness to the reconciling power of Jesus Christ.
Author bio: ELCA pastors Jacobson (left) and Oswald are the authors of The Emotional Intelligence of Jesus, Relational Smarts for Religious Leaders (Roman and Littlefield, early 2015). Jacobson is former executive director of CHARIS Ecumenical Center at Concordia College, Moorhead,
Minn., and is co-editor of The Future of Lutheranism in a Global Context (Augsburg Fortress, 2008). Oswald is executive director of the Center for Emotional Intelligence and Human Relations Skills in Boonsboro, Md., and worked as an author, seminar leader and consultant for the Alban Institute for 31 years.
January 2015 39
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