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eat away like cancer at the heart of congregational life and mission, defl ecting energies away from joyful witness to the gospel and service to communities. Vital congregations are places where relationships are enhanced, deeply satisfying, chal- lenging, exciting and real. Much is known about why
relationships fail and how they can be repaired. In recent years, this knowledge has been systematized and made practical in the fi eld of study called “emotional intel- ligence,” though it could as well be called “relational intelligence.” Emotional intelligence refers to
Take your EQ temperature
By Arland Jacobson and Roy Oswald T
here is trouble in River City at Lutheran Church of All Saints. At the annual meeting, members were surprised
to learn that giving fell short by $47,000. Fred Frown blamed the stewardship committee and its “newfangled ideas.” Grandma Gertrude and her friends are upset that the council bought new worship books—aſt er all, “the old ones were still in good shape.” T ree families leſt because a chair given by their great-grandfather had been consigned to a basement closet, memorial plaque and all. T ere were other rumblings of
discontent in the congregation as well. Some put the blame squarely on Pastor Pat. T e bishop tried to smooth things out, only to get
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blamed for intervening. Congregational life is all about
relationships. T at is, church dysfunction and confl ict are about relationship failures. T ese failures
emotional skills that make relation- ships pleasing and productive— skills like empathy, compassion, self-awareness, self-control, stress toleration, accurate self-assessment and optimism. New advances in brain science
even allow us to understand how these emotions work and what can be done to improve our emotional intelligence. Our IQ—intelligence quotient—is largely fi xed, but our emotional quotient (EQ) can be improved. But it takes work and probably
help from others. As Jesus said, we are good at seeing tiny specks in the eyes of others but ignore the log in our own eyes. T e gospel accounts of the foibles and failures of the dis- ciples should teach us that becom- ing real disciples isn’t easy—it takes time and eff ort.
Jesus qualities It so happens that the qualities which make for emotional intelli- gence are those that Jesus possessed and asked us to live out. Emotional intelligence has become big in the world of secular leadership, but Jesus possessed and promoted two skills that go well beyond the quali-
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