24 Humour


under a misapprehension. They will be splitting them 50/50 with the lawyer, and they will have to share out the half that remains. A legal document is “bulletproof” if it has no full stops or commas but plenty of brackets within brackets and Roman numerals. What not to do and say on a date with a colleague is essential reading for both “dater” and “datee”. 226pp, cartoon strips. £14.99 NOW £7


72380 CELEBRITY FACE-


OFF: The Royal Family A book of 12 masks of Princess Anne, Fergie, Andrew, Harry, Edward, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (William and Kate), Prince Charles and Camilla, our patron and Royal Warrant granter the lovely Prince Philip and the Queen wearing a beautiful tiara but rather a hacked off expression.


Best of all is the corgi on the last page! The high resolution regal masks are ready to push out from the page, pop out the eyes and loop through your own elastic - very easy to assemble. Unofficial and unauthorised! Huge softback. Masks sell at a fiver or so each usually!


£14.99 NOW £5


72636 SEXUALLY, I’M MORE OF A SWITZERLAND by David Rose


‘This advert originally contained a 300-word paragraph about cats but I edited it out. Woman, 36. Box no. 5637.’ ‘I scrimshawed this advert from the tusk of a walrus. Now make love to me. Pathetic man, 49. Box no. 6758.’ ‘They don’t call me Naughty Lola. The call me Brian. Brian, 57. Box no. 6477.’ Only love is catching between the sheets of this very naughty and exceedingly funny dose of small ads from the pages of the London Review of Books. 180pp. $16 NOW £2


72754 AN A-Z OF HELLRAISERS: A


Comprehensive Compendium of Outrageous Insobriety by Robert Sellers


W.C. Fields famously lived up to his initials from the balcony of a Mexican hotel by relieving himself over the brass band that were tuning up below. From Winston Churchill to Shane MacGowan, George Best to Paul Gascoigne,


Peter O’Toole to Errol Flynn, here are the unforgettable and utterly hilarious tales of celebrity (over 100 of them) misbehaviour. As iconic imbiber Dean Martin once said, “I’d hate to be a teetotaller. Imagine waking up in the morning and knowing that’s as good as you’re going to feel all day.” Photos, 420pp. £20 NOW £6


72822 WRINKLIES THE LAUGHTER LINES: More Jokes, Quotes and Funny Stories for the Golden Generation


through the art, craft and Zen of cartooning. Along the way he provides lots of personal anecdotes about his development as an artist and about life at the world’s most urbane magazine. Dozens of examples throughout, plus colour photos. 400 cartoons, some colour. 144pp. ONLY £3


71630 MORECOCK, FARTWELL AND HOARE A Collection of Unfortunate but True Names by Russell Ash


Imagine that you were called Royd. Could you possibly consider naming your daughter Emma? The insanity of this book beggars belief but, however breathtakingly unlikely, every one of its entries is real, trawled from birth, marriage and death certificates, phone books and censuses going back centuries. What sort of a nut must you be to name your child Wong Kee, Win King, B. Hive or Tom A. Hawk? If you are unlucky enough to be called Chris P. Bacon, Barry Cade, Lynne C. Doyle or Good Evans. 256 pages, illus. $14.99 NOW £5


71725 ENORMOUS BOOBS by Richard Benson Hilarious small ads and headlines and the most stupid bloopers and typos: Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help. Thief gets six months in violin case. ‘I would like to thank the press from the heart of my bottom’ - Nick Faldo. ‘The Miss World competition is still popular even if it has its fair share of knockers’ - Julia Morley. 100 or more gigglesome quotations in a fun paperback. 128pp with cartoons. £6.99 NOW £2.25


71750 LE BUMPER BOOK OF FRANGLAIS by Miles Kington ‘Bonjour. Parlez-vous Franglais? Non? Vous ne dites pas! Si vous êtes un fluent English-speaker, et, si vous avez un GCSE Français, Franglais est un morceau de gâteau... Avec ce livre, vous pouvez être un maître linguistique, amazer vos amis, sentir une nouvelle confidence, développer vos muscles, loser le flab et attracter les guys ou les oiseaux. Pas mal, hein?’ A comic genius, the late great Miles Kington was one of those very rare people who was effortlessly funny. You too will be speaking Franglais fluently in just a few minutes with this hilarious book. 50 specially commissioned illus, here are 101 comic masterpieces. 210pp in paperback. £8.99 NOW £3.75


!


71754 LOBCOCKS AND FARTLEBERRIES by Francis Grose


‘There goes another Jack nasty face off to the nanny house to find himself a buttock broker. By the looks of his greasy muzzle he’s seen many a month fetching his own metal out of the herring pond.’ If you lived in 1785 you would certainly understand that Jack the sailor is off to the brothel before he is transported abroad at the King’s expense. Hark back to a time when insults and rude words were considerably more colourful. Pen and ink mocking and salacious line art accompanies well designed typography in this 128 page softback. £4.99 NOW £2


by Mike Haskins and Clive Whichelow Note. The authors will accept no liability for wrinkles induced as a result of reading this joke book. It is choc- à-bloc with anecdotes, stories, proverbs, and observations all relating to the ‘elder generation’. There are quotes from the likes of Stephen Fry, Jo Brand, George Burns, Harry Hill, Milton Berle and the cast of Have I Got News For You as well as dozens of other witty wordsmiths. You Know You’re Getting Old When you find yourself on the stairs and cannot remember whether you were going up or down. 192 pages. £9.99 NOW £4


72823 WRINKLIES’ REMINISCELLANY: A Wealth of Fascinating Facts and Old- Fashioned English From the Good Old Days by Mike Haskins and Clive Whichelow Leafing through these pages, you will find your past life flashing before you in a Those-Were-The-Good-Old- Days sort of way that will make you sigh with remembered pleasure. Did a ha’penny have a little ship on the back, and surely you could buy a Milky Way with it? This wonderful collection of essential trivia and nostalgia is guaranteed to bring the memories flooding back. 192 pages. £9.99 NOW £4


72996 HOW TO MAKE STONEHENGE OUT OF


BISCUITS: A Year’s Worth of Crazy Ideas! by Tracey Turner


You can discover which day of the year is No Sock Day, Dance Like A Chicken Day, International Polar Bear Day and Talk Like a Pirate Day. You are warned that if, in order to celebrate the summer solstice, you attempt to make your own Stonehenge out of biscuits, it can be very messy, so wear safety clothing. 223 pages, line drawings and cartoons. £6.99 NOW £2.50


73083 HAMMER AND TICKLE: A Cultural


History of Communism by Ben Lewis The secondary title of this rib-tickling book is The Story of Communisim, (sic) A Political System Almost Laughed Out of Existence. The shortages in Communist economies ‘in their death throes’ with no meat, no make- up, no toilet paper, no heating, spawned jokes like: ‘What is colder in Romania than the cold water? The hot water’. The valiant and sardonic citizens of the former Communist countries - surrounded by secret police, threatened with arrest, imprisonment and forced labour, a failed economic system, and bombarded with ludicrous propaganda - turned joke-telling into an art form, using it as a coded way of speaking the truth and coping with the absurdity of the system. 354 paperback pages, cartoons in b/w and colour, caricatures, photos and oral transcripts. $15.95 NOW £4.50


70548 THE NAKED CARTOONIST by Robert Mankoff


Mankoff is cartoon editor of ‘The New Yorker’. Here he encourages us to try a new way to enhance our creativity, expose our ideas and bare our wit. With the help of some of his well known cartoonist friends, he takes us on an entertaining words-and-pictures journey


72520 DISHONOURABLE INSULTS


compiled by Greg Knight, M.P. Political invective is not what it was, laments the editor of this indiscreet collection, because debates are now televised and the public is not impressed by a stream of insults. Unparliamentary language includes accusing someone of being a liar, or the use of offensive expressions. Winston


Churchill got round the former problem by saying the liar was guilty of a “terminological inexactitude” while Sir Nicholas Fairbairn just invented a few insulting words, calling his female colleagues “cagmags and scrub heaps”. It was Fairbairn who said “Clarke’s a bounder and Heseltine’s a spiv” of Mrs Thatcher’s leading opponents, and his entry in Who’s Who listed his pastimes as “growling, prowling, scowling and owling”. Michael Heseltine was himself a great parliamentary performer who knew all the tricks of the trade. Norman Tebbit was so proud of being called a “semi-house-trained polecat” that he used a polecat in his coat of arms when elevated to the peerage. 271pp. £14.99 NOW £6


71775 SCHOOL FAIL: Hilarious Howlers from School by Anna Tripp


‘H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.’ ‘The Earth is surrounded by the Moon, the Sun, Mars and Penis’. Mad metaphors and silly similes, shaky-speare: ‘Richard was a big weirdy pervert because he wanted to marry his niece. That’s dirty and not right’, hysterical history, medical marvels and weird science. Enjoy a fantastic collection of classroom blunders from spelling mistakes to misunderstandings, exam howlers to bizarrely logical retorts, from primary school to A-levels. Charming and hilarious. 191pp in illustrated paperback. £7.99 NOW £3.50


72330 CAN A ROBOT BE HUMAN? by Peter Cave


33 perplexing philosophy puzzles in this chirpy introduction to philosophy through thought experiments and paradoxes. Can a murderer be innocent? Are you really unique? What does it mean to be in love? What separates a sinner, a saint and a suicide bomber? With jokes and tall stories, Peter Cave offers a witty investigation into 33 of life’s most important questions. Prepare to be perplexed. 228pp in illustrated paperback. £7.99 NOW £3


71776 SERIOUSLY SENIOR MOMENTS: Or, Have You Bought This Book Before? by Geoff Tibballs


Such great intellects as Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein and Ludwig van Beethoven have all suffered from senior momentitis, so you are in great company as you struggle to make a phone call with the TV remote or buy a third pair of specs to help you look for the other two. Here is a laugh-a-minute book packed with jokes, anecdotes, quips and quotes from similarly absentminded folks of all ages. 192 pages with humorous line drawings and list of websites. £9.99 NOW £2.75


71788 WHEN MEERKATS TURN BAD by Sarah Herman


Does Alexandr and his friends ever misbehave? According to this book, yes! Close up colour photos of adorable meerkats are ‘defaced’ by big cartoon bubbles opposite with silly crude and rude but downright funny words in the mouth of the meerkat. ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ ‘I can see right into the girls’ showers from here’, ‘I think the Dogging Society has become far too popular’ and so on. Welcome to the darker side of the cuddly meerkat. Adult’s only fun, glossy photos. £6.99 NOW £2


71777 SIGNS YOU’RE NOT IN THE MOOD by Jan King


18 bright yellow 4½” square signs with red and black commands like Float my Boat, Don’t Even Think About It!, Log On, Quid Pro No, Make an Appointment, Take a Cold Shower, Closed Until Further Notice, Reporting for Action, Access Denied, When Pigs Fly, Go Online, All Systems Go, Start Without Me, Yes Yes Yes!, Go Away, You Can’t Be Serious, Ready Willing and Able, Desperate Housewife and more. For multiple purposes and not just for teasing about sex, these super little signs come with a hanging hook and advice booklet. £5.99 NOW £1.50


71808 MASTERS OF SITCOM: From Hancock


to Steptoe by Ray Galton and Alan Simpson by Christopher Stevens


Ray Galton and Alan Simpson have been writing joke- filled scripts to the delight of millions for over 60 years now. The formula was straightforward - believable characters in credible stories, true-to-life situations in ordinary settings with dialogue written as everyday speech. Compiler Christopher Stevens’ task was always going to be tricky - to select extracts from the 50 best- loved G & S scripts, over 600 in all! So, naturally, there are the greats of Hancock’s Half Hour - The Blood Donor, The Radio Ham, The Television Set and Sunday Afternoon at Home, to name but a few. Featured co- stars include Sid James, Kenneth Williams, Hattie Jacques, Eric Sykes, Terry Thomas, Bill Kerr, Bernard Cribbins, Leslie Phillips, Yootha Joyce and many more. 352pp with b/w photos. £20 NOW £5


71809 UNFORGETTABLE SENIOR JOKES by Geoff Tibballs


Here are some of the funniest and at times bawdy tales about age and ageing. ‘Changing times - 1971 long hair: 2011 longing for hair. 1971 the perfect high: 2011 the perfect high-yield mutual fund. 1971 moving to California because it’s cool: 2011 moving to California because it’s warm. 1971 getting out to a new, hip joint: 2011 getting a new hip joint. 1971 Rolling Stones: 2011 kidney stones. 1971 being a three times a night man in the bedroom: 2011 being a three times a night man to the bathroom.’ 192pp of chuckles. £9.99 NOW £3.50


71810 ARE YOU TURNING INTO YOUR DAD? by Joseph Piercy


Sciatica, piles, gout, trapped nerves and tennis elbow, embarrassing your offspring, home comforts, visiting old memorable places, ten signs you are over the hill and an OCD quiz, jokes, lists and quizzes should help ease an awkward transition. 192pp, cartoons. £9.99 NOW £3


72109 DANGEROUS BOOK FOR MIDDLE- AGED MEN: A Manual for Managing the Mid- Life Crisis by David Quantick


Quantick is the author of the bestselling Grumpy Old Men and co-writes Harry Hill’s TV Burp. A quick checklist includes buying an electric guitar and terrifying the cat with power chords, hoiking up your jeans to disguise that belly à la Clarkson and/or sucking it in when standing next to any female young enough to be your daughter, browsing Harley Davidson catalogues, acquiring unsuitable pets and the sudden urge to go hunting, to name but five. Laugh uncontrollably at your ridiculous self. 227pp. £9.99 NOW £3


LITERATURE


Everything comes to him who waits except a loaned book.


- Frank McKinney Hubbard


73221 DICKENS’S ENGLAND: An A-Z of the Real and Imagined Locations by Tony Lynch


This handsome, bright yellow linen- bound volume is a fascinating A-Z tour of England that brings to life all those places which are associated with the life of Charles Dickens, over 200 entries in all. Here are the streets, buildings, towns, villages


and cities with connections to both the great man’s life and to the landscape of his imagination, that marvellous mixture of fact and fantasy that Dickens conjured up in his characters and plots. Arranged as a gazetteer and illustrated with a wealth of old and new colour and b/w photos, it revisits a world that is largely hidden or demolished, but retains indelible traces through the life and work of Dickens. Here is Mr Pickwick’s Bath and London, Covent Garden where the young Dickens worked at Warrens blacking warehouse, watching the street children that provided inspiration for Oliver Twist and the boys of Fagin’s pickpocket gang, Marshalsea where his father John was imprisoned in the Debtors’ Prison, Nicholas Nickleby’s Yorkshire, the Kent of Great Expectations, the Monument, which appears in no fewer than three of his novels and the many places where Dickens lived and worked. Relevant quotes and an excellent checklist of locations. 208pp. £14.99 NOW £6.50 CONT. ON NEXT PAGE


AUTHOR SIGNINGS Your chance to bag a signed copy!


Sandy Nightingale and Sandi Toksvig 72933 HEROINES AND HARRIDANS: A


Fanfare of Fabulous Females by Sandi Toksvig A trio of Fannys, tattooed ladies, and women whose names begin AE (joined together), Blessed Hildegard of Bingen, the 15 year old who with a brand new baby on her back led Lewis and Clark across the Rocky Mountains and never received a penny, jolly sorts like Lady Mary Wortley Montagu and Fanny Burney who published four novels and 80 plays and lived out her retirement in an Austen-like manner in Bath. Great actresses, queens, composers, the doyenne of American etiquette Emily Post, Bessie Colman the first African American aviatrix, roll-up roll-up to enjoy the history of courtesans, greed, love, talent and passion, suppressed by male historians through the ages. These women deserve to be resurrected from obscurity, and these are tales of


exemplary eccentricity from laugh-a-minute broadcaster and much-loved personality Sandi Toksvig. Her friend the illustrator Sandy Nightingale charmingly captures all the humour, power and eccentricity in her hilarious colour and line art on every page of this beautifully presented new book. Signed by both Sandi Toksvig and Sandy Nightingale. 126 large pages.


£17.99 NOW £12


73739 THE ROAD HOME


by Max Arthur 11am, the 11th of the 11th 1918 - the war is finally over. After four long years Britain welcomed her heroes home. They were


Max and our Annie. Best of pals after 20 years!


welcomed home by their loved ones and those who survived life at the Front faced the reality of rebuilding their lives in a society


that had changed beyond recognition. How did they cope


with their war wounds, amputations, lack of work, homelessness and memories of lost comrades? And what of the independent young women who were asked to give up their work and wives who had to readjust to life with men who seemed like strangers? How did the shell shocked and the blind manage to find their place in society? And what of the conscientious objectors, the army of young widows, the spinsters without hope of a husband, the mothers who had sacrificed their sons? In this collection of testimonies of all these people and many more, these stories are not what you might expect to find. From the grimmest of circumstances people did find the strength to rebuild their homes, their families and their working lives with a tenacity, a determination and a clear sense of purpose that only survivors of such a traumatic experience could have had. Principally collected from the archives of the Imperial War Museum and the Liddle Collection and contemporary news sources. 276pp in paperback with 16 pages of b/ w photos. Please note contents same as 68892 We Will Remember Them. All copies SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR.


£7.99 NOW £4 69190 ABOVE ALL,


COURAGE by Max Arthur Subtitled ‘Personal Stories from the Falklands War’, here are firsthand accounts from action in 1982. Major Michael J. Norman of the Royal Marines looks at the invasion of the Falklands, 2nd April. Four serving officers from the Royal Navy look at the bomb attack on HMS Ardent, 21st May. Sea, air and ground


support, the sinking of Sir Galahad 8th June, the Battle for Darwin and Goose Green 28th-29th May, the attack on Wireless Ridge 13th-14th June, attack on Mount Longdon, attack on Mount Harriet, assault on Two Sisters, all on 11th-12th June, assault on Tumbledown Mountain 13th-14th June and finally Rear-Admiral John F. Woodward of the Royal Navy looks at Command at Sea. 463pp paperback, photos. SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR. £8.99 NOW £4.50


Pictures taken on the Bibliophile stand Buckingham Palace Coronation Festival in July.


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