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Page 44


Staffroom confidential


 


Teacher’s tips


Sara asked for answers to the question ‘Are we doing something fun today?’


 


Multi-choice option


• Yes of course we are, it’s all fun! (Only works with under sixes.)


• We’re having a fun assembly, fun spelling test and fun maths lesson! (sarcastic approach – or are your lessons really fun?)


• Have a sign up saying ‘Fun tomorrow/Fun yesterday’.


• Have today’s timetable on the IWB every morning so the children can see for themselves what will be fun.


Have you thought of making lessons really fun so you can genuinely tell them what the fun bits are going to be?


Annette, Bedford






Classical approach


 Ask what they consider ‘fun’ before directing them to the curriculum. Inevitably, when they find their views at odds with the matrix, suggest they send a ‘vexed’ text to Michael Gove. On receipt of such a message, Mr Gove will be perplexed by ‘vexed’ and revert to his Complete Works of Shakespeare for clarification – the same era to which he refers when compiling all his education policies.


In the meantime, tell the pupils ‘fun’ is spelt ‘t-a-r-g-e-t s-e-t-t-i-n-g’ and return them to the conveyer-belt that is now education. Take out the ‘big spoon’ to feed them their ‘lesson’ so they will be fully fed for their next exam.


Sarah, Reading






Short and sweet


 You’ve got to be kidding! Any teacher worth their salt knows the answer to this one.


“Every lesson’s a fun lesson with me, you know that!”


End of.


Martin, 27 years in and still outwitting the little darlings, London






Health and safety


Tell them “We’re not insured for fun.” (I don’t say this to my year 1 class as every day is fun when you’re six.)


Barbara, by email


 


Next issue


As head of a small primary school I feel I should set up a school Twitter account. But what should we tweet about? Ideas please!


Jane, by email


 





A funny thing happened… at my job interview









 


Halfway through my first interview, the deputy head chimes in. “Imagine you teach my son in year 8. What would you like him and his friends to say about you if you overheard them talking?” I talked about interesting and exciting lessons, always doing something new, a warm sense of achievement and enjoyment. Lots of nodding from the interview panel. Then I paused and followed up with: “On the other hand they’ll probably say ‘Look out, here comes that fat git who teaches French’.” I got the job.


Tim, Cumbria






I was going for a year 1 position. Asked what I thought a good year 1 classroom should have, I answered ‘a book corner, a home corner, a construction corner, a painting corner, a writing corner’ etc. The reply from a formidable-looking head was: “How many corners does your classroom have? Ours tend to have four!” I laughed so much, then worked there happily for three years.


Annabel, Surrey






Preparing my sample PE lesson, I was talking to a friendly older member of staff in a worn out tracksuit and pair of Dunlops. Thinking he was going out to teach his PE group, I went into detail about the lesson I’d planned, pulling out a board showing my learning objectives. “Wait until they cop a look at these!” I exclaimed. “I’ll have them eating out of my hand!” He leaned forward, held out his hand and grinned: “Pleased to meet you Darren, I’m Phil, deputy head. I’ll be observing your session.”


Darren, Middlesbrough






That morning my very variable hair looked lank and awful. I jammed on my one, large, expensive-looking hat. Still not satisfi ed I bought a small bottle of gardenia perfume on the way, planning to put on a couple of dabs. I tipped the bottle over and the whole lot spilt on to my clothes.


I told the interviewers of my missionary zeal to teach children to read who had failed so far. The principal snorted and said: “Just because you can afford hats and perfume, don’t think you can buy your way into my school.” I failed.


When I got home, I wrote to say I would take the job if he got a cancellation. He did. I got the job and the principal said he’d never been so wrong about anybody.


Dorothy, Middlesex






Next issue: A funny thing happened… on the first day of term. Send your anecdotes by 23 July.


 


Continued on page 45

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