Road T Hummer
Warning: The following article contains acts of
childish Tonka truck romanti- cism and warm feelings toward a large environmen- tally unfriendly pseudo-mili- tary-turned-urban-commuter vehicle by an editor who should otherwise be, at least in principle, promoting peace on earth and solar cars. Reader discretion is advised.
This winter I used my Rapid creden- tials to hook up a week-long test drive of a 2003 Hummer H2. General Motors doesn’t hand $83,000 trucks to just any- one, so I put forth a relatively rational and convincing editorial argument: “Our readers are extreme paddlers who need a vehicle like the new Hummer H2 to access and conquer treacherous whitewa- ter.” The keys were as good as mine. I picked up the H2 in the exotic con- crete jungle of Oshawa, Ontario, rather fitting considering pavement is likely where most H2s will spend their time. The H2 is smooth and quiet, not the sand-in-my-teeth Desert Storm ride I was expecting. Inside are leather seats and an outstanding six-disc in-dash CD player
Our tester H2 was equipped with the Outdoor Series package including exterior chrome, grille bush guard and roof rack. The H2 is also equipped with exterior tow hooks and hitch tubes for trailer or winch attachment.
est H2 Closed-circuit track. Professional driver.
with a Bose premium eight-speaker sys- tem including subwoofer—for pounding song seven from the new Chili Peppers album, just in case anyone missed your arrival.
The H2 is surprisingly civilized for daily errand adventures. Although the wheelbase and turning radius are in the realm of other full-sized SUVs like the Suburban or Ford Excursion, the wheels are pushed all the way out to the edges of the vehicle creating the illusion of a snappier response. From the outside the H2 seems to be more body panel than glass, but inside visibility is unexpected- ly good. You sit up high and look well over the hood; the side windows are ide- ally placed to reduce typical SUV blind
The H2’s super beefy, fully adjustable roof racks run the full length of the truck. This isn’t a minivan luggage rack, it’s full-on. A cool spinoff of the automatic self-levelling rear air spring sus- pension is the auxiliary air hose for inflating tires and float bags.
spots—and no, for the hundredth time, it’s not bulletproof glass.
The interior storage space isn’t great for such a menacing exterior. Five to six adults can comfortably pile inside, but the enormous spare tire hogs about a third of the rear storage area. The rear seats do a 60/40 fold-flat split for pad- dles and shorter freestyle boats. Getting the three-tonne H2 rolling is no problem with the Vortec 6000 V8 matched to GM’s electronically controlled four-speed transmission. In unofficial testing in front of the Rapid office, the H2 nailed 0–60 mph in around 10 seconds. And with its wide stance, firm suspen- sion, full-time four-wheel-drive and big
boots, the H2 is one of the most fun and controlled vehicles to get sideways. Winter highway driving in the H2 is amazing—I had no trouble sticking to the limit on the snowy 401 when all the other vehicles crawled along chasing each other’s taillights in the slow lane. However it’s too bad we didn’t have the H2 for a summer test drive. GM claims you can charge into six inches of water at 40 mph and crawl through 20 inches. With so little truck ahead of and behind the wheels, you can climb up 16-inch steps or rocks.
The in-dash four-wheel-drive options are staggering and very specialized for serious off-road sit- uations: 4-Hi, 4-Hi Locked, 4-Lo Locked, 4-Lo Locked + Locking Rear Axle, as well as a traction control option that limits spin for deep sand and mud conditions. Don’t forget rear height control for another five centimetres of lift.
The underbody is clad in more pro- tective armour than Hummer Club poster boy Schwarzenegger himself. And with 10.5 inches of curb-jumping ground clearance, you can easily drive over medians, parking barriers and Honda Civics—barely a muted “thump bump” is heard through the excellent soundproof- ing.
The H2 is clearly the only SUV that hasn’t compromised off-road ability by including civy comforts. Would I drop the $83,000 and throw a hundred bucks on my gas card every 500 kilometres to drive an H2? Absolutely. But not until I’ve reduced the rest of my fossil fuel con- sumption to zero by powering my house with wind, weaving my clothes from organic hemp, and building a greenhouse to start saplings that I will then drive (in my yellow Hummer) into the woods to plant for Kyoto emissions credits.
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www.rapidmag.com
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