MISFIT

Election

R

umour has it that there is a General Election in the offing which is turning the minds of the populace, which includes us shoepeople, to political matters. How will it affect us? Will we sell more shoes under Cameron than if Brown goes on ruling the Kingdom? Would Clegg’s mob get everything moving again, which would be

nice, since they have amongst them someone called Vince Cable who gives the appearance of being the only politician with the faintest clue how the economy works. On the mercifully few occasions that I have had occasion to talk to

politicians I have come away astounded about their ignorance of what we do. They seem to have got their idea of business solely from books, if that. Do not they themselves ever enter the market? I suppose they have servants, dirty word that, but it means the same as Housekeeper, Personal Assistant and the like, who go out and buy their cabbages and carrots and the other commodities they need to sustain life so they don’t have to dirty their hands with commerce. Except when it comes to shoes. To get these they have to take

their feet to a shop and try shoes on. Having decided on their purchase they then have to pay, when they might just notice there has been a substantial increase in price since last time. Do they have a moment of reality check at that point and understand the connection with the fall in the value of the Pound? Somehow I suspect not. They will assume it is due to global

When I worked in a factory I had the doubtful privilege of showing visitors round, including politicians.

I was always depressed by the comments they

made to the effect that they had no idea what a sophisticated process making shoes was. I think their idea of a shoe factory was either a building with rows of cobblers crouched over their lasts, or a place where computerised robots poured out shoes with little or no human intervention. They seemed quite astonished to learn that if one machine broke down,

or its operator failed to turn up for work, the line could grind to a standstill. Similarly that if one batch of components was faulty or delayed the same thing happened. I never dared tell them that if as a result of such goings-on the factory

delivered late there was a risk of a few thousand shoes being refused which would have to be sold at a loss. There was no point in frightening the children.

warming, the rapacity of manufacturers, speculation, the conjunction of Saturn in Mercury – anything but themselves, the laws they passed and the policies they pursued. I hear them, and economists who should know better, suggesting that

I hear them, and economists who should know better, suggesting that devaluation of our currency is a good thing. We know it isn’t because we have to buy new stock at a higher price than what we paid for the shoes we have just sold.

My doctor once remarked, on learning that I was in the shoe business,

devaluation of our currency is a good thing. We know it isn’t because we have to buy new stock at a higher price than what we paid for the shoes we have just sold. This looks lovely on this year’s balance sheet, but not next year’s because we have the find the difference from somewhere in real money. It is like putting all our stock in the sale at a price which doesn’t cover our overheads and then wondering why have not made a profit. Last time we had serious inflation my accountant remarked that I had had

an excellent year which prompted me to ask why I couldn’t find all the money he was telling me I had made. The answer was sitting on my shelves in the shape of shoes I had bought at a higher price than the ones I had sold, as I found out the following year. I got myself a better accountant. He was cheaper, too. The idea of devaluation, or its cousins, quantative easing and inflation,

is

that with everything in the UK being cheaper foreigners will flock to our shores waving their order books and elbowing each other out of the way to buy from our factories. Except we don’t seem to have as many factories as we used to, and even if we did, it doesn’t work like that.

reliability, count just as much, and in any case no factory can double its production overnight, nor can it adapt itself suddenly to making the styles the foreign buyer might be looking for. Making shoes is a complicated business.

8 • FOOTWEAR TODAY

• APRIL 2010

that I was not in a stressful occupation. Little did he know. In the same vein I have just read an article in which an eminent scientist,

who, note this, is an advisor to the government, remarks that a company that gets in early with a low carbon footprint will “knock its competitors out of the way.” Now I am sure the gentleman is very learned, but on googling him I find

his experience of competing in business is zilch. The thought crossed my mind that he might also like to go to Old Trafford and tell Sir Alec Ferguson how to play football. We can be sure the parties will promise all sorts of lovely things to get our

votes. As most of them have never run the proverbial whelk stall we can also be sure they have no idea how to pay for them and they will cost more than they need to. When did we ever see anything the state does come in under budget? It would be nice if there were incentives for people to join the productive

It isn’t just price. Design, quality, delivery,

side of the economy. A simplification of the tax system would help, including tax relief not just for businesses, but directly for the people who work in them, especially people who make and sell things, like shoes. We used to have workers in Parliament, people who made things, sold

things, importers and exporters, on both sides of the House. Now we have professional politicians who have never done anything else. Fasten your seatbelts. Election turbulence ahead.

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