FeaTure
issue, beyond the person’s behaviour
and understand their feelings.”
hoW you can benefit
accord also administers a more
specialised programme called FOCCus
(Facilitating Open Couple Communication
understanding and study) which has come
to be used in many countries as a popular
pre-wedding query. Devised in 1985 by
Dr. Barbara Markey, a psychologist at
the Centre for Family and Marriage in
the us (and a nun), FOCCus explores a
couple’s background and relationship
skills. its success at predicting marriage
satisfaction at the five-year mark has
prompted protestant and non-denominational
Couples preferring non-denominational counsellors to adopt it as well.
consultations may attend the MrCs
Wedding planners suggest
No matter in what forum couples ask
(Marriage and relationship Counselling insurance for couples each other questions about the road
services) programme. it happens on a
spending as little as 5,000
ahead, the important thing is to do so.
couple-to-counsellor basis for three hours
on their day because, in
harrington says that MrCs topics such
and can be scheduled during the week.
prices for most courses average é200
the event of unforeseen
as in-laws (Do they like you? Do you like
them?) generate helpful exchanges.
per couple.
circumstances, it helps to
David Kavanagh from avalon advises
The aim of any pre-marriage course is have financial backup. to get the best benefits from a course,
to facilitate communication and identify do one that has been recommended by
any prickly issues to avoid surprises after “all our presenters are qualified a friend. “There are lots of courses out
you walk down the aisle. psychotherapists who have years of there, but unfortunately some are not
“There are no trick questions,” says experience. it makes things so much good. They have given pre-marriage
anne harrington, course administrator more tangible for couples to be given courses a bad reputation. But if you
with MrCs. “This is truly very relaxed. advice from professionals who have attend a course a friend has already
Counsellors take time to get tuned in to been listening to couples and helping taken, you can rest assured it will be
the people to see if there is anything to them with relationship issues for years. worthwhile.”
highlight.” We receive really positive feedback; Cummins hopes couples will use the
stephen Cummins, director of most couples feel the advice they are insights they gain for years to come
marriage education services at accord, receiving is real and very valuable.” in their marriage. “With irish people
has been working with the organisation Kavanagh, who is a fully qualified i believe there is a perception that
for 24 years and himself married for 29. family psychotherapist and who was if you turn up to a marriage course,
“i would say to any couple, once you trained by the priests in Maynooth something’s not going well, and i
are getting married in the Catholic Church, specifically in pre-marriage courses, advocate, why not make time for your
come along to a marriage course. offers a personalised three-hour course relationship when things are good? as
Nothing would happen to send anyone which can be held in the comfort John F. Kennedy once said, ‘The time to
away. it is out of a duty of care to your of the couple’s home. “During the fix the roof is when the sun is shining’.”
decision to get married that we exist.” course, couples learn more about their had Laura and aaron proceeded with
he knows some participants, communication skills. Many couples their registry office wedding, they never
especially men, might squirm at the have small things that they row about would have attended a pre-marriage
thought of talking for so long about their that seem irrelevant and they don’t think course. Despite the fingernail-biting
relationship. But their minds might be they have a solution to,” says Kavanagh. before they walked in, they are glad they
eased knowing highly trained facilitators, “The pre-marriage course that i run completed the course.
most all of whom are married, conduct gives people the skills to identify what “it was great because you could see
the saturday portion of the course and is happening when it is happening other couples were experiencing similar
keep all discussions within the room and how to prevent any minor issues things in their relationships,” Laura said.
completely confidential. becoming bigger issues, which often “it’s not until you feel there’s a problem
another company that uses trained happens when people are stressed, in your relationship that you feel you
professionals to run their courses is especially planning a wedding! We have to go. This starts you off on the
avalon relationship consultants, as de-personalise what they are saying right foot.”
director David Kavanagh explains, when they are upset, identify the real * Names have been changed
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