FeaTure
With more than 20,000 marriages taking
place each year in Ireland, and half of
those in the Catholic Church, thousands
of couples attending pre-marriage
courses are asking each other everything
from ‘How will we raise the children?’ to
‘Who will do the dishes?’ writes Christie
Seaver.
hen Laura and aaron* found their idyllic
W
wedding locale, it involved a small Catholic
church in Kerry rather than the registry office
they envisioned. Their priest suggested they
attend a pre-marriage course so with a certain
amount of trepidation, they signed up for one nearest them, and
arrived expecting a two-day sermon.
“aaron dreaded it because he didn’t want to be preached at by
priests, and i was dreading it for him, but we actually enjoyed it
and had a bit of a laugh,” Laura said.
For two hours on Friday night and all day saturday the couple
joined a roomful of others who had come together to focus on
their relationships. and not just in terms of where they would go
on their honeymoon, but how family, communication, conflict
management, commitment, parenting, the church, sexuality and
fertility might impact their marriage.
What’s the point?
That’s a hefty list, but one worth investigating when making one
of the biggest decisions of your life. it brought Laura and aaron
insight and humour during their hectic wedding planning process.
For others it highlighted issues that merited further discussion.
Most pre-marriage courses begin with the couple taking
inventory of themselves and each other by individually answering
questions that range from ‘Do you want to have children?’ to ‘are
you willing to replace the toilet tissue roll?’ Most are broken down
into general categories including finances, family planning and
gender roles. Laura and aaron were surprised at the questions that
sparked the most discussion.
“The conflict resolution section was interesting because they
made you pick things that bugged you about your partner,” she
says. “it was like ‘i’m allowed to say this and he’s not gonna get
mad at me?’ That part was great!”
in the end, because of what they learned about each other,
Laura and aaron resolved to make some changes in their
relationship (she’ll be tidier, he’ll smoke less) and in the meantime
learned more about each other’s conflict resolution style.
What can you expect?
Laura and aaron attended a course run by accord, the Catholic
marriage care service. several other courses happen on weekends
throughout the country including one hosted by embrace, which
administers an inter-church marriage course in Dublin, and Naomi,
which holds a pre-marriage course for five hours on saturdays.
The WhiTe pages 93
Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100  |  Page 101  |  Page 102  |  Page 103  |  Page 104  |  Page 105  |  Page 106  |  Page 107  |  Page 108  |  Page 109  |  Page 110  |  Page 111  |  Page 112  |  Page 113  |  Page 114  |  Page 115  |  Page 116  |  Page 117  |  Page 118  |  Page 119  |  Page 120  |  Page 121  |  Page 122  |  Page 123  |  Page 124  |  Page 125  |  Page 126  |  Page 127  |  Page 128  |  Page 129  |  Page 130  |  Page 131  |  Page 132  |  Page 133  |  Page 134  |  Page 135  |  Page 136  |  Page 137  |  Page 138  |  Page 139  |  Page 140  |  Page 141  |  Page 142  |  Page 143  |  Page 144  |  Page 145  |  Page 146  |  Page 147  |  Page 148  |  Page 149  |  Page 150  |  Page 151  |  Page 152  |  Page 153  |  Page 154  |  Page 155  |  Page 156  |  Page 157  |  Page 158  |  Page 159  |  Page 160  |  Page 161  |  Page 162  |  Page 163  |  Page 164  |  Page 165  |  Page 166  |  Page 167  |  Page 168  |  Page 169  |  Page 170  |  Page 171  |  Page 172  |  Page 173  |  Page 174  |  Page 175  |  Page 176  |  Page 177  |  Page 178  |  Page 179  |  Page 180  |  Page 181  |  Page 182  |  Page 183  |  Page 184  |  Page 185  |  Page 186  |  Page 187  |  Page 188  |  Page 189  |  Page 190  |  Page 191  |  Page 192  |  Page 193  |  Page 194  |  Page 195  |  Page 196  |  Page 197  |  Page 198  |  Page 199  |  Page 200  |  Page 201  |  Page 202  |  Page 203  |  Page 204  |  Page 205  |  Page 206  |  Page 207  |  Page 208  |  Page 209  |  Page 210  |  Page 211  |  Page 212  |  Page 213  |  Page 214  |  Page 215  |  Page 216  |  Page 217  |  Page 218  |  Page 219  |  Page 220  |  Page 221  |  Page 222  |  Page 223  |  Page 224  |  Page 225  |  Page 226  |  Page 227  |  Page 228  |  Page 229  |  Page 230  |  Page 231  |  Page 232  |  Page 233  |  Page 234  |  Page 235  |  Page 236  |  Page 237  |  Page 238  |  Page 239  |  Page 240  |  Page 241  |  Page 242  |  Page 243  |  Page 244  |  Page 245  |  Page 246  |  Page 247  |  Page 248  |  Page 249  |  Page 250  |  Page 251  |  Page 252  |  Page 253  |  Page 254  |  Page 255  |  Page 256  |  Page 257  |  Page 258  |  Page 259  |  Page 260  |  Page 261  |  Page 262