Another tip: Check your own stress lev- One recent Stanford Univer- advance in weekly packets, so they can
el. “Kids take their emotional cues from sity poll of 496 high school students distribute it over the week around other
the adults around them,” advises Fay. “A in California’s Bay Area found that commitments.
lot of high-achieving, perfectionist kids when students were asked to list what “I know kids who do different,
think mistakes are the end of the world, causes the most stress in their lives, 68 multiple sports each season after
because they see their parents reacting percent cited schoolwork. Nearly 78 school, then come home every day,
that way.” percent reported having experienced eat dinner and start in on homework
He counsels parents to model posi- stress-related physical problems like at 8 or 9. We are asking them to put in
tive reactions to stress. Take a moment headaches, weight gain, insomnia or longer days than most adults do,” Pope
to tell the kids a funny story about how stomach problems. In some cases, remarks.
you spilled coffee in your lap and had excess stress turns to depression and
to run home to change—and the lesson tragedy can strike.
Let Kids Be Kids
learned. Instead of freaking out as you “Kids are more stressed than in the
Honoré, a London author who has
rush around the house looking for the past for a whole host of reasons, and it
made a living writing books about how
car keys, say, “Oh well. It’s not the end is a big problem,” confirms education
to slow down and lead a less frenzied
of the world if I am a few minutes late.” researcher and Stanford lecturer, Denise
life, says he too, found himself fall-
Experts say overscheduling is Pope. “There is more emphasis on
ing into the “hyper-parenting” trap.
another chronic source of stress, with testing, and kids feel the pressure from
When his son’s art instructor suggested
many parents shuttling junior from story their teachers. Homework levels have
his 7-year-old might have a gift for
time to baby yoga to playdates. Ac- gone up significantly. They feel like
art, he found himself sifting through
cording to a 2001 study by University they are the hope for the future, and the
catalogues, looking for just the right
of Michigan researchers, children ages pressure is on.”
afterschool course or summer class to
3 to 5 have eight fewer hours per week Research supports Pope’s conclu-
nurture his budding Picasso’s special
of free play time than they did in 1981. sion, including a 2004 University of
talent. When his son got the news, he
Kids ages 6 to 8 enjoy 13 fewer hours Michigan survey of more than 2,900
looked at his father, dumfounded, and
of free time. students that found the time it takes
asked, “Why do grownups have to take
An easy solution: “Remind yourself kids to complete their homework has
over everything?”
that it is okay for kids to be bored,” says increased 51 percent since 1981.
“I realized I had lost my bearings
Fay, noting that boredom fosters creativ- In response, Pope, a mother of
as a parent,” Honoré says. He backed
ity and prepares kids for a “real life” three, founded the Stressed Out Stu-
off and ended up writing a book about
that is not always action-packed. dents Project (now called Challenge
it. He now takes care to ask himself
If you find yourself often eating Success) in 2007. The national orga-
what his motives are before guiding his
in the car en route to endless pursuits, nization teaches parents and teachers
son toward an activity: Is it for me, or is
your child throws a fit or falls asleep how to minimize academic stress.
it for him?
on the way to a practice or he or she The first step, she says, is for par-
Meanwhile, this grassroots re-
doesn’t talk much about an activity (a ents to clearly define their own vision
searcher is optimistic that “The pendu-
sign of genuine interest), it could be a of “success” for their child. Is it really
lum is beginning to swing back,” and
wake-up call. Ask your child to make attendance at an Ivy League school?
that a backlash against hyper-parents
a list of his or her favorite interests, in Or, is it participating in an enjoyable
and stressed-out kids is upon us.
order of priority, Fay suggests, and trim college environment that enriches their
In 2008, Toronto became one of
off the bottom. life?
the first jurisdictions in North America
On the flip side, Fay counsels “People have this vision that their
to crack down on excess homework, all
that too little structure at home can be child has to get straight As and involve
but eliminating it in elementary grades
stressful for kids; they look to their par- themselves in every extracurricular
and banning it during weekends and
ents to demonstrate assertiveness and activity in order to get into a good col-
holidays. Meanwhile, communities
provide the boundaries that make them lege: Not true,” states Pope. “There is a
across the United States have begun to
feel safe. “If you have anxious kids, one college out there for every student who
host “Ready, Set, Relax” days, where all
question to ask is, ‘Am I setting enough wants to go to college.”
homework and extracurricular activities
limits and sticking to those limits?’” If a parent gets the sense that their
are canceled.
child’s homework levels are exces-
On a smaller scale, experts say the
School-age Solutions
sive, they need to be proactive and call
revolution toward less stressed-out kids
By far, the most common cause of
the teacher, says Pope. As a general
can begin when parents look at their
school-age anxiety (particularly amid
rule, kids should have no more than
kids in a new light. As Pope puts it:
middle-to-upper-income suburban kids)
10 minutes of homework per grade
“We need to love the kid before us, not
is academic stress. Numerous studies
level (10 minutes for first-graders, 30
the kid we want them to be.”
show that adolescents place schoolwork
for third-graders, two hours for high
above friend problems, bullying and
school seniors, etc.). Pope asks her
Lisa Marshall is a freelance writer and
trouble at home when ranking stressors.
child’s teachers to send work home in
mother of four in Colorado.
14
Southwestern Virginia
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