Just Say No
Once we have begun to make positive changes, we may need to clean up the
liFe CoaCHes
environment in which our old, self-destructive habits flourished. People pleasers,
for example, may have to start saying no and set boundaries where none existed.
kathleen Zurenko
Cheryl Richardson, a bestselling author, radio host and authority on life coaching,
“Take care of yourself.
says that as people begin to practice better care for themselves, their relation-
It was the first thing I
ships may change. In her new book, The Art of Extreme Self-Care, Richardson has a
learned as a Flight Atten-
chapter entitled “Let Me Disappoint You.”
dant many years ago in
“That chapter speaks to the reality that in order to live a high-quality life—a
emergency training. Life
life that truly honors your self-care—you have to master the art of disappointing
is challenging; put on your own oxygen
people, making them angry and hurting their feelings,” she counsels. “That’s just
mask first.”
the truth.”
rhonda smith
Richardson says that women, in particular, try to avoid the discomfort that
“I find some people can
comes from displeasing others or letting them down. As a result, they can end up
bring out the best in us,
living for others, becoming resentful or even sick, and struggling with intimate
while others may bring
relationships when resentments build. Richardson advises women to check in with
out the worst. Seek to
themselves before responding to requests and to tell the truth, even if it’s unpopular.
surround yourself with
“Craft a response that is respectful, but direct,” she says. “Become able to
those that bring out the best.”
say to someone, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not going to be able to baby-sit your children this

weekend.’ Not, ‘I really wish I could, but I can’t,’ when the truth is, you really
don’t wish you could and you don’t want to.”
Counselors
Start Here and Now
kelly larned
“Breathe, deeply, fully,
Life makeovers also involve setting boundaries with ourselves, says Richardson,
richly. Just Breathe.”
and taking an honest look at the areas of our lives that are messy, neglected or
out of balance. She notes that a simple way to start is to clean up one place in
our home, car or office that’s cluttered, and enjoy the feeling of spaciousness that
follows. More comprehensive changes may benefit from professional help, says
Nancy Brighton
Richardson, who hired a personal coach at the beginning of her own coaching
“Live each moment in
career, with life-altering results.
your passion and notice
“My home and my work environments became beautiful places to live and
the beauty and light in
work in,” she recalls. “My finances improved dramatically. I eliminated my debt,
all that you see. Manifest
I created an investment plan and I stopped giving away so much of my precious
your dream, once you are
time and energy to people who didn’t appreciate it.”
true to yourself your life is total bliss.”
Today, Richardson coaches people on how to create lifestyles and environ-
Hollan greisdorf
ments that honor their deepest need for things like joy, beauty, rest, creative
“I truly believe that when
expression and peace. She says the pursuit of bigger dreams and desires may take
we make the right choice
a back seat to meeting basic needs at first.
for ourselves, it blesses ev-
“If you’re struggling financially, you should be investing in your financial
eryone around us. Taking
health,” says Richardson. “If your house looks like a bomb went off in it, you re-
care of ourselves first is
ally should be focused on making your home environment more soul-nourishing.
not selfish; it is essential.”
If your relationships are one-way streets and they’re not headed in your direction,

you should focus on either telling the truth in your relationships or letting some
toxic people go.”
autHor/speaker
constance d’Angelis
Create a Circle of Support
“When you introduce a
thought into your quiet
When we start to practice these forms of self-care, our real dreams and desires
mind, the thought has
become more apparent, Richardson says. The challenge is to stay on track, espe-
tremendous power.”
cially when family members or friends don’t understand or appreciate our new
ways and old habits slip back in. Without support and accountability, she ob-
To contact any of these local practi-
serves, most people will fall short of long-lasting success.
tioners visit the Community Resource
To help her readers get and stay on course, Richardson encourages them to
Guide: Books page 33, Counselors
create free Life Makeover™ groups, based on the concepts and practices outlined
page 34 and Life Coaches page 35.
in her books. Her website allows people to connect with others on the same path
and to create support groups in their own communities, using guidelines found
on the site. Richardson currently counts about 4,000 such Life Makeover groups
around the world.
February 2009 21
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