CCR2 Brexit
Five interactive skills
2020 was certainly an interesting year for businesses, as they adapted and completely transformed the way in which they communicate
Tony Hughes Chief executive, Huthwaite International
Be mindful of your online behaviours One thing that many of us realised quite quickly is that there are a number of behaviours that can be instantly irritating to people during conversations that take place online. Virtual communications themselves provide multiple barriers such as poor connections and technology issues, this means without even having a conversation – the experience can be quite irritating. Therefore, with virtual communications
not disappearing from the agenda anytime soon, it is crucial that verbal behaviours do not further irritate those you are talking to. Self-praising declarations are one of
these irritators. Using the words ‘fair’ and ‘reasonable’ when talking to people can cause tension as they can undermine the person you are speaking to and may cause lasting damage to your relationship. There are other ways to communicate that can indicate a lack of sincerity. Verbal behaviours such as telling someone you are ‘being honest with them’ can indicate that you may not have been completely honest in the past, or that you may be suggesting your counterpart is being intentionally dishonest.
Active listening is essential We demonstrate active listening by acknowledging statements. Acknowledging is not the same as supporting, thereby we show we are listening but do not necessarily show agreement. Using phrases such as 'I understand', or paraphrasing statements show we are aware of their opinion and their thoughts without necessarily agreeing with them. Taking care to allow people to fully express themselves, especially if they are agitated or
January 2021
excited, is key to defusing a highly emotional or tense conversation. If we must disagree, we should take care to make a positive statement before and after the disagreement. This means saying things like 'I fully understand what you are saying, and will do my best to help. However, I will need some time to investigate the situation. Let me come back to you in X time’.
Remember to show emotion Perhaps surprisingly, skilled communicators show their emotions and indicate how they are feeling towards a situation more than the average communicator. This skill is particularly important when dealing with a difficult online conversation. For example, phrases including ‘I am pleased we are making progress’ or ‘I am worried that this will not work out’, can be used as a substitute for an outright agreement or disagreement as it is difficult to argue with someone else’s emotions. This verbal behaviour also reveals
something personal, which is likely to encourage trust within a conversation. If someone expresses that they are concerned a deadline will not be achieved – it is then difficult to retort with ‘no you are not.’ When used in the right context, showing emotion is a highly effective way of deescalating confrontation. It can also be difficult to observe
someone’s body language over a virtual camera call so tone of voice is more easily interpreted and allows to show empathy. Listen carefully for clues to how the
conversation is going from their tone and note that nerves tend to make the voice higher and this can be very noticeable – a
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warm drink may help to relax your vocal cords and deepen your voice. Smiling when you speak (if appropriate) will also help to relax you, and the other person.
Extreme levels of reaction People who have an unusually high or low reaction level present characteristic problems, and how you deal with these high or low reactors is a whole communication skill in itself. We have all experienced talking faster or
drying up I am sure, when dealing with a ‘low reactor’ or perhaps giving away too much information or exaggerating? It is important to stay focused and factual if people appear unresponsive – do not try and fill the communication gap! Similarly, you need to look out for feedback from high reactors who may be too quick to support and or disagree over issues.
Do not allow discussions to lead to a breakdown in communication A strong indicator of an effective meeting is how well people respond to one another’s ideas and proposals. When a meeting is working well, people react positively or at least constructively, to what others say. When a meeting is ineffective, the opposite
can occur and tensions can rise leading to a potential communication breakdown. An extremely negative discussion can lead to what we refer to as ‘Defend/Attack’ behaviours where opinions are expressed more strongly and more directly which can lead to people feeling exposed and becoming overly defensive. Defend/Attack usually involves value judgements and contains emotional overtones. CCR2
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